Friday, November 20, 2009

Problem of Being Atheistic & Believing in Evolution







With me, the horrid doubt always arises whether the convictions of man's mind, which has developed from the mind of lower animals, are of any value or at all trustworthy. Would anyone trust the conviction of a monkey's mind, if there are any convictions in such a mind?

Charles Darwin in a Letter to William Graham Down, July 3, 1881


http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/15/weekinreview/12wade.html?_r=2&partner=rss&emc=rss

Take a look at the above article from the New York Times before reading.

SOME TERMS
Atheism is the belief that there is no God. Naturalism is the belief that nothing exists but nature....things that can be reduced to an explanation of physics and chemistry. So, atheistic naturalism is sort of a redundant term, but nonetheless, conveys a belief that there is no God and no supernatural. I think that would be consistent with all the atheists I know and converse with or even read. I also have yet to meet an atheist that rejects scientific naturalism or evolution. So, the two are hand and foot, frick and frack.

Evolution can be defined as modification of species, over time, through decent, with the objective of survival. Evolution's basic interest is trying to get a species in the right place, at the right time, so that genes can be propagated. Anything that aids that process is favored by evolutionary modification through decent. So, evolution favors anything that aids in survival and disfavors anything (or at least is indifferent) to anything that doesn't aid survival. Patricia Churchland (pro evolution philosopher) has stated that evolution works on species using the four F's....fighting, fleeing, feeding and......reproduction. In other words, a species survives as manifested, behaviorally, by those four F's. Behavior conducive to survival is favored over all others.

Lastly, justified true beliefs can be defined as a knowledge claim/belief that represents or corresponds to reality and is justifiable for the person to hold. The idea is that we work towards believing as much true things as we can and rid ourselves of as much false beliefs as we can, in order to hold an accurate view of reality. This can only be done through properly functioning brains...sometimes referred to as noetic or cognitive equipment. If your thinking cap isn't functioning properly, then there is a very low or inscrutable probability that you'll be successful at the project of ridding yourself of false beliefs and gaining knowledge of justified true beliefs. If your noetic equipment is functioning properly and you have justification for the belief, then you have warrant for that belief as it corresponds to reality.

DARWIN'S DOUBT
The quote from Charles Darwin illustrates the problem between evolutionary forces, naturalism and the reliability of our knowledge claims/beliefs.

So, how does atheistic naturalism, evolutionary theory and the reliability of properly functioning thinking caps coalesce or jive with each other? Not very good at all. In fact, holding to atheistic naturalism, evolution and reliable beliefs are incompatible. Either you hold them all and conclude that there is little or no reliability in any of your beliefs, or else consider that you can rely on your cognitive abilities and question atheistic naturalism and evolution.

What's the probability that we can trust anything we believe, given atheistic naturalism and evolution? Restated as a probabilistic equation, what is P(R) = (N&E&C), where R = reliability of beliefs, N = naturalism, E = evolution and C = properly functioning cognitive abilities?

If P(R) > .5, then we have a good or favorable reliance on our beliefs as being true. If P(R) <.5, then our reliance on our beliefs is low or inscrutable. So, how does evolution and naturalism hold, in regards to our beliefs?

Natural Selection Is Interested in Beliefs That Aid Survival, Without Regards to the Truth of Those Beliefs
Consider the article from the New York Times, with regards to evolution, the God Gene and religious beliefs.



Religion has the hallmarks of an evolved behavior, meaning that it exists because it was favored by natural selection. It is universal because it was wired into our neural circuitry before the ancestral human population dispersed from its African homeland.

The article doesn't side with atheism and actually raises the idea that this new theory could be detente between atheists and the religious. But can it? As the article promotes, natural selection is mainly interested in survival and is indifferent to the content or veracity or truth of the belief. In essence, it doesn't matter if it's true. It only matters if it aids survival. So, if that is the case, then natural selection could promote false beliefs because they aid survival. In other words, natural selection has favored a belief that may not be true, because it helps aid in the survival of people groups.

If that is the case, then we are at a point where evolution, specifically, natural selection, is not interested or cares about the truth of a belief or knowledge claim. In essence, evolution cannot provide a basis for any justified true belief, as Darwin himself pointed out in his letter to Mr. Down.

So, given N&E, we are more apt to end up with P(R) <.5....or, given naturalism and evolution, the probablity of our beliefs being accurate are either low or inscrutable. An atheist may agree, with regards to religious beliefs. But the problem is, given the understanding of naturalism and evolution with regards to reliability of beliefs, it applies to ALL BELIEFS, including evolution and the hypothesis of the God Gene.

And here's where, given atheistic naturalism and evolution, we have a bottomless pit we can't jump out of, with regards to reliability on the truth of our knowledge of anything, including naturalism and evolution. In order to resolve this delimna, you would have to either abandon atheistic naturalism, evolution, both or hold to an incredible skepticism with regards to anything anyone could possibly know or believe.

So, can we believe in evolution and be religious? It would fix the problem with P(R) and by accepting a supernatural, including God, there would be a foundation that could provide a reliability in our beliefs that is greater than .5. But, since evolution was an attempt to provide a purely naturalistic explanation for all of life, without reliance on religious or supernatural beliefs, it seems that holding to belief in God along with evolution is sort of like trying to invite Castro and Reagan to live in your house. There's going to be tension and alot of discomfort! Once more, emperically, even though there is a great deal of evidence of change within species, there doesn't seem to be much credible evidence to support change between species....like a common ancestor between bats and, say, sponges.

But what evolution, specifically, and naturalism, in general, provide us is a defeater against the trustworthiness of any belief we have....in anything, including evolution and naturalism. It's called an undefeated defeater, as defined by Alvin Plantinga (as is most of the arguments presented in this note).

So, I think there are no good reasons to hold to either naturalism or evolution without jerking the rug out from under even your beliefs in evolution and naturalism. Given the fact we live in a postmodern world, we probably don't even care about that. We'll believe whatever the big plasma screen tells us, what Bono tells us or what Jon Stewart mocks or defends or what places us in the best possible light, regardless of its veracity. In essence, we're a pretty pathetic, self-absorbed, empty-headed (and hard hearted) culture. But, for those that still attempt to hold objective truth as something useful, then I think this line of thinking is solid and irrefutable.

I'll leave it up to the reader.

Friday, October 30, 2009

OUR MODERN CONFESSION OF FAITH



We believe in Marx/Freud/Darwin/Nietzsche/Lukacs/Gramsci/
Sanger/Dewey/Bloom/Kinsey/Derrida/Foucault

We believe everything is OK as long as you don't hurt anyone, to the best of your definition of hurt, and to the best of your knowledge.

We believe in sex before, during, and after marriage.

We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that sodomy is OK.
We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything is getting betterdespite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated
And you can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there's something in horoscopes, UFO's and bent spoons;
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha, Mohammed, and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher although we think His good morals were bad.
We believe that all religions are basically the same-- at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of creation, sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.

We believe that after death comes the Nothing
Because when you ask the dead what happens they say nothing.
If death is not the end, if the dead have lied, then it's compulsory heaven for all excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Khan.

We believe in Masters and Johnson. What's selected is average. What's average is normal. What's normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament. We believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed. Americans should beat their guns into tractors and the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good. It's only his behavior that lets him down. This is the fault of society. Society is the fault of conditions. Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him. Reality will adapt accordingly. The universe will readjust. History will alter.

We believe that there is no absolute truth excepting the truth that there is no absolute truth. We believe in rejection of creeds (except this one)

We believe in everything
We believe in nothing
We are dead men walking to the abyss
Follow us and we'll make you dead men, too!

If chance be the Father of all flesh, disaster is his rainbow in the sky
and when you hear:

State of Emergency!

Sniper Kills Ten!

Troops on Rampage!

Whites go Looting!

Bomb Blasts School!

It is but the sound of man worshipping his maker.

(Steve Turner)

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Uneasy Tension of Postmodern Mysticism


This clip comes from the 2001 movie Waking Life which delves into deep philosophical waters about life's big questions. It is a series of interviews with professors, writers, thinkers, then juxtaposed with a dramatic scene that ties into what each interview discusses. Before getting into the meat of this, I want to define a few terms first:


Freedom - A person's decision is the first and sufficient cause for an effect. My decision to lift my arm is caused by my decision to raise it. There may be other events that are a part of that decision, but the decision itself is uncaused, making it free. This is required for morality because morality presupposes freedom. You make a moral decision only if you could have freely chosen to do otherwise.

Determinism - A person's decision is not the first or sufficient cause for an effect. My decision to lift my arm is caused by God or by a chain of natural events, starting in my nervous system and ending with a reaction in my arm lifting. Determinism reduces morality to a mirage. We think we can freely choose otherwise, but if our decisions are determined by other things, we can't choose otherwise, and all morality is illusory.

Compatibilism - The idea that freedom is complimentary with determinism. We are determined, but it isn't contrary to a real choice. This is more of a 'middle ground' effort, but in essence, either we are free or determined.

Are we determined or free? When I lift my arm, is it ultimately because I chose to do it, or because a series of events in my environment and within my nervous system, led to it? If I admit I am free, then what does that do to a scientific view of reality? If I deny freedom, how does that look, lived out consistently?

As David Sosa explains, it's a pretty big deal. On the one hand, freedom is grounded into morality and even our very self. It constitutes a basic, fundamental aspect of who we are and what makes life what it is. But, David also admits something very telling. Prior to the 'age of reason' great thinkers wrestled with the problem of freedom in terms of God. But today, its the same problem, but in terms of science, rather than God. Science explains how our eyes, ears, brains and nervous system work. But it cannot provide an explanation for trust in mental activity or even our ability to freely choose anything. Replace God with science, and the problem doesn't just remain, but becomes even more acute.

David believes we should accept the scientific conclusion of determinism but hang on to freedom. He holds to the existential shibboleth that we are a sum total of all our choices. But, as he correctly concludes, if that is so, then are our choices, really choices? Are we determined by laws of physics or the indeterminacy of quantum theory? He prefers to be a gear in a deterministic world than a chaotic quantum happening. He gives no reasons why, other than the idea of abandoning freedom leads to horrific and absurd conclusions. In other words, David is a mystic. We do not reject freedom, morality and the concept of individual persons, despite all of the evidence to the contrary. Over 250 years of enlightenment and progress of thought and we end up with mysticism.

This isn't just a problem with secular thought. There is also a form of Christian freedom and determinism, with compatibilism as a middle ground alternative. So, this question of freedom and determinism isn't just a problem with religious people or scientific naturalism. Either God or nature swallows up free agency, moral motions, self identity, or we need to see if God or nature are nessecarily contrary to free will.

What's the Real Problem The reason David can't reject freedom is because...you simply can't reject it. It's such an intrinsically important part of existence, to deny it would be to pull the rug out from underneath even rationality. But science, so far, seems to have done nothing but made the concept of freedom more and more like folk lore. We are forced, under scientific naturalism, to either abandon freedom in the name of science, abandon science to hang on to freedom, or else hold both in tension, without any basis for freedom or even know if it exists. All we can say is that we can't deny it, experientially.

Freedom is real. It is a first and sufficient cause for things. But it is not a part of scientific knowledge, nor can it be. I realize there are hopeful people out there waiting on psychoneural studies to explain it all. But as we wait and ferret through the nutty hypotheses offered, the underlying reality, whether we admit it or not, is that freedom is not within the realm of scientific study. In fact, freedom belongs to a series of knowledge claims that are non-scientific and because of that, are unjustified, unproven and unexplained in a society that holds science as the primary or final arbiter of all knowledge. But such knowledge exists, is justified, even though it can't through scientific inquiry.

But even if we get past that issue, we are far from out of the woods. Whether we are Christians within the Reformed or Armenian camps or non-believers in the deterministic or libertarian free agency camps, we cannot resolve the issue between determinism and freedom. You can't criticize Christian thought for not resolving God's will with human responsibility anymore than you can criticize non-religious disciplines for failure of resolving freedom with determinism. We are all, whether Christian or atheist, locked into a reality that has no final answers about this topic, starting from ourselves (using logic, science) or relying solely on Scripture (Scripture affirms both freedom and God's ultimate sovereignty, without resolving them).

So, the real problem is the craving the human mind has for resolution to things, to the point that we refuse....absolutely refuse....to accept the tension and continue with the theories, explanations, etc. What if the answer to this problem is....we don't know and can't know? It almost offends the senses of either humanist or Reformed or Armenian Christian. We must simply get resolution or implode. There is no resolution. And life will continue sufficiently without one. The real problem is that we crave answers that are beyond our grasp.

The Solution Isn't Mysticism Unlike David, I believe in Scripture and am not a mystic. Now, when I say 'mystic', I mean someone who holds to unjustified beliefs. There is a huge difference between someone who believes things they have no right to believe from someone who believes something that can't be completely resolved, with what we know and have to work with. For example, here's the two positions summarized in two different statements:

1) Free will and determinism, although seemingly contradictory, may be resolved with answers that are beyond our grasp.

2) Free will is falsified by determinsism, but I will continue to live as if that wasn't true, despite evidence to the contrary.

My belief in freedom is anchored in the fact I am created with image-bearing qualities that reflect my Creator. I think and choose on a limited human level, reflecting a Mind that ultimately chose to create me and had thought of me long before the universe even came about. God is unembodied personal power (Spirit). I am embodied personal power (spirit). Science will never be able to analyze, prove, reduce or eliminate this spiritual aspect, because it is beyond science, and is grounded in non-scientific knowledge, justified, warranted knowledge, but beyond science.

David, on the other hand, rejects this. So, what does he ground freedom in? Nothing. It's a brute acceptance. Not only that, its a brute acceptance in the face of scientific evidence that, in the absence of Scriptural answers, seems to not really exist at all. He believes contrary to reasons or evidence that suggests otherwise. David is a mystic. In fact, anyone who is not a pure determinist, yet holds to the acceptance of freedom and self, are mystics too. Outside of Scripture, your choices are to be deterministic, leading to a wholesale rejection of morality, personal identity and rationality and holding on to any vestige of those things only under some mystical 'leap of faith'... for practical reasons only, and as a betrayal to scientific knowledge. If we want to live out determinism out to its logical conclusions, we become very scary people. I think after B.F. Skinner, even the secularist folks abandoned behaviorism and re-introduced the mental realm back into curriculum (someone needs to inform Obama and the czars of this....since they are about 30 years behind them in this area). But if we avoid determinism, our only choice is mysticism.

So, we start with Descartes, go through the Age of Enlightenment, scientific revolution, technological advancement, ending up with more mysticism than we started with before rejecting the authority of Scripture in the first place. We were permitted to move forward in a different direction, only to end up in the same place, but with the tires stuck in the mud. It turns out, by rejecting Scripture and beginning with our own raw materials and environment around us, we cannot arrive at any final anwers.

To rehash Francis Schaeffer, we are locked into a reality that, outside of Scripture, simply has no answers. Any suggested are non-answers and are mystical leaps. Why else would there be such a renewed interest in the occult, spirituality, etc.? We know this to be true. You know this to be true too. I would be curious to see what reasons you'd have, if that's not the case.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

CHASING THE WIND: MEANINGLESSNESS IN CHOOSING THE SAFETY OF PRISON OVER THE UNCERTAINTY OF LIBERTY


Ecclesiastes 11:5-6



"As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good."

Let me place this text in context with a few more pertinent portions of Scripture:

Exodus 16:3



"The Israelites said to them (Moses and Aaron), "If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.""

1 Samuel 8:4-5



"So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah. They said to him, 'You are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways; now appoint us a king to lead us such as all the other nations have.'"

2 Thessalonians 3:11-12



"We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies. Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the bread they eat."

Steve Brown, a favorite Bible teacher, once said that only when the pain of prison becomes greater than the fear of freedom, real change starts to happen. This change is necessarily rooted in trust and trust, by definition, is hope in things not seen. That's hard for a society rooted in naturalism to embrace. I would say its harder than any other generation. Let me explain.

When I was about 14 years old, my Dad and Mom drove us to Temple, Oklahoma, where my Mom grew up. I saw the old farm she was raised. I walked around in the barn that contained alot of stuff she hadn't seen since her childhood. It amazed me to see the differences between how she lived at age 14 compared to me. On the way back, Dad drove us through Mill Creek, Oklahoma, where my Dad spent a few years growing up. We drove through a dead town, down a dirt road and ended up in a pasture. In place of the home, there was a concrete foundation, a well house, milk weed, spiders and a few snakes. I saw where they had to cut down trees to build the log cabin, the well they dug for water. Again, I was amazed at how different it was from my own youth.

My parents succeeded in making sure none of their kids had to worry about the things they had to worry about in their own childhood. My family is not alone. I would say that many of you reading this have similar situations and stories about your parents or grandparents, their struggles and their hard work to create a better life for you. They did that because they loved us and wanted the very best for us. The problem with the 'very best' is that life and human nature have a way of miring that lofty goal.

Being an adult, with a family of my own, I realize that I am in their position now. I am to create a good life for my daughter and try to provide for her all the opportunities I can. But the fear of failure and having to deal with the same things prior generations had to deal with can be haunting. I sometimes think of what my parents accomplished and through heavy circumstances and think that there is no way I could possibly have the strength or the brains to do the same thing, if it were called upon me. There is a motivating fear of failure, being the head of a household, that can seep into many areas of our psyche, our opinions, our reasons for doing things and reasons for not doing other things. There is an option, in the midst of this fear: look for someone or something to take responsibility for my family and me. I would relinquish my freedom, but would also find solace in a replacement for parents, or so I would think.

I am not alone, either now or in any time in history. In fact, in my own day, there are those who know no other life than that of being taken care of by the government. Groceries are paid for, transportation is supplied, all paid by Medicaid. Rent is free. Generation after generation grows up in this reality and it is all their reality. Just as my nightmares of having to dig my own water well and log cabin in the middle of nowhere haunt me, their nightmares of having aid cut off haunt them. And it keeps them in the prison. It keeps them fighting for safety of the prison. Then there are those, similar to my background, who have similar fears, but decide the idea of increased government control over aspects of health, transportation, education, communications, all aspects of life, is comforting. It means exchanging this safety for many liberties. But those liberties could result in a failure too much to risk. So, like the Israelites who chided Moses and Aaron, or commanded Samuel to find a king, just like all the surrounding nations had, these folks are looking for exhanging the uncertainty of liberty for the comfort of the Nanny, even in the face of the loss of certain lilberties.

Now, before someone considers this just another political blog, keep in mind, my point to this is not political, even though politics is a part of it.

This is about trust.

Trusting God is a carefully chosen myth for those who are permeated with naturalistic thinking. First of all, such trust is blind and in a contentless object that tends to change forms, definition and purpose, as the circumstances of life change. That is not at all what I am talking about. I am talking about the God who is there, has spoken, revealed Himself in a Son, in time and place. I am talking about the same God that requires our trust in Him to grow in desert wanderings, when game plans have gone out the window, when the enemy has surrounded the city. He requires it because trust is worthless unless it is real and it can't be real unless we can truly direct it towards something beyond our immediate line of vision. Hebrews 11:1 states that faith is hope in things not seen. The Israelites were forced to trust God for nourishment when none was seen. They were forced to trust God as thier King, although pressures from without and within were intense, and they were the only ones that seemed to be different from surrounding nations.

Quite frankly, I believe this is easier for third world nations than for us. We're so steeped in naturalism, that trust in anything beyond our immediate observation seems foolish. That in itself seems extraordinarily foolish, in perspective. But even I have been permeated with the same worldview that allows no trust in anything except what can observevd and controlled, manipulated. In this way, Zimbabwe is more advanced in knowledge and wisdom than we are. As a sidebar, the activity of the Kingdom of God in Zimbabwe is so tangible and widespread, that we would not be able to comprehend it. I believe demonic activity can be more effective and successful in a secularized, naturalistic society, than any other. It hides the ugly, revealing it slowly, as it does so through playing on our distrustful nature...our fears of the uncertain...causing us to embrace immediacy, even though it could mislead us and even destroy us.

The biggest reason Michael Moore trusts government is because it's safe to him. There are other reasons, but that is the biggest. It's also something with cash value that can further the message of him or anyone like him. Everyone understands fear. And since he has no apparent belief in anything larger than government, its sufficient and all other avenues of safety are dangerous, foolish and pure folly. It is much safer than the uncertainty of going it alone in the absence of a well funded Parent, to replace our biological ones. True, there are great evils in our society. There is greed, waste, fraud, abuse, neglect. The insane part of the socialistic ideal is that government, unlike large corporations, inherently doesn't have the problems of large corporations, or at least not to the extent of large corporations. Without getting into another topic, I would say that view is totally irrational and doesn't jive with reality at all. I am not saying large corporations don't engage in bad stuff. But there is nothing more dangerous than a monopoly over what large corporations have engaged in competitvely. People are in both corporations and government. It's a blinding insanity fed off of fear. That sort of thing can make a sane man or woman think things unimaginable, as all fear can do. To suggest Cuba is more efficent and humane than America is an incredible claim. However, when you control the content, editing and promotion, you can just about make anything seem reasonable, especially when you play off of their fears and anger.

Just as the Israelites commanded Samuel for a king, so they can look more like the other nations, we too have apparently called for a king and a country that looks more like all the other countries, out of the same mistrust and fear. Just like the Israelites, instead of sustaining a nation where we are can forge our own lives out of trust in Someone larger than our circumstances, even in the face of possible failure, we embrace another sort of nation that will provide us safety in exchange for it.

You see, failure does a couple of things to us. First, it lingers as a possibility that creates a motivating fear within us that can take our eyes off of God. Second, it causes indignation and jealousy for those that didn't fail, creating a seething anger that tends to eat away more at the person holding it than the ones that sort of wrath is supposed to be poured upon.

Our only answer is a rutheless trust in God who offers redemption for ourselves and our world, despite what is in front of us. You might suggest that your decision is based off of trust...maybe out of principle or righteous indignation. I personally doubt it. On just about either side of the arguments, I can't help but see anger, jealousy and indignation, stemming from fear of failure or realized failure.

What if I was to say that no matter what hand we are dealt right now, everything will truly be alright? What if I then told you I wasn't being hopelessly optimistic about that, but realistic? Well, you'd probably laugh at me or consider me naive.

Maybe I need to hang out with more people from Zimbabwe :-) I don't know.

But it will be. I have a trust in Him that grows deeper, not through meaninglessness of comfort and realized expectations, but in struggle and disappointment. We are just not naturally wired to trust Him. That's the essence of our sinful nature and it should be apparent to everyone who's honest with themselves. But we are. Sometimes, it takes an act of love to place us in a rocky boat on huge swells and wind, to get us to realize where trust is properly placed.

Maybe, despite the aims of Obama and his supporters, that is what God is doing for us now. We tended to replace our trust in God with our trust in America. As Schaeffer stated years ago, we began to wrap up Jesus in an American flag. So, it could be He is shaking America so we can see where our trust should be placed. To be honest, I was really getting sick of the Religious Right's banging trash can lids for all these years anyway. It got to the point where there was no Gospel. It was all about foriegn and domestic policy. So, in that sense, Obama and socialism has been good for us. What's even better about that is instead of a socialistic regime change being in control of everything, it is a mere pawn in God's plan to strip the old paint of mistrust off of His own people. In that case, bring it on! I would love to see revival under those terms....and I think I am seeing it. But, of all things, whether conservative or liberal, He will not accept our trust in anything other than Him. Think about how that trust works in your life, how it has changed and why.

I see it starting in the church. It's an opportunity for us to extend it to a really lost and hurting world. And, I think that healing is going on in countries we consider far less civilized and developed as our own. God has a way of doing just that, to humble the proud and, above all, show Who is God.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

CHASING THE WIND: GOOD TIMES & SOME LAUGHS


side note

I realize my stuff is lengthy so I decided to bust it up into smaller pieces. I also realize that my way of communicating may be strange and a little unorthodox. My apologies. I have tried being non-strange and very orthodox, only to feel whorish. I truly believe that 1) not every way I communicate is efficacious but 2)it's the real me and 3) so long as I am honest, rather than proud about my rough edges, you get me, rather than some imposter. Maybe you prefer the imposter, but there are minions of them that are much better at it than I am. My best advice, if you even bother reading, is to eat the fish and spit out the bones. What I have to say is placed heavily on my heart.

Ecclesiastes 2:1-3


1I said in my heart, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure; enjoy yourself.” But behold, this also was vanity. 2I said of laughter, “It is mad,” and of pleasure, “What use is it?” 3I searched with my heart how to cheer my body with wine—my heart still guiding me with wisdom—and how to lay hold on folly, till I might see what was good for the children of man to do under heaven during the few days of their life


I spent an entire day listening to an old man tell me about D Day, slipping across France and Germany and all the incredible things he saw....and how he internalized it. It seemed as if he was reliving it as he told it to me. It was amazing to hear how a rural French family ended up trying to kill him and his men, resulting in their deaths. I heard how he marched across Germany with worn shoes, his only meals coming from preservatives found in basements of homes owned by evacuated Germans. Amazing. Well, as incredible as those memories for him were for me to hear, I think Solomon has much more to say. And I think for all the flash, technological wizardry and mass efficiency we applaud so much of in our day, they are mainly window dressing and we'd would be fools....complete fools, to ignore the words of Solomon, regardless of where you stand with Jesus Christ.

"DID YOU SEE BILL MAHER RIP SARAH PALIN THE OTHER NIGHT?"

It's helpful to understand the meanings of these two words. Laughter, in this text, means a laughter associated with mocking, scorn and derision....humor at the expense of someone else. Bill Maher immediately comes to mind. His comedy is about 98% derision and mockery of other people. He has a following who enjoy it too. What's absurd about this sort of comedy is that it is funny to Bill and his audience but its like a series of upper-cuts and jabs to the rib cage, for those the material is directed. And it's intentional. It's verbal violence, meant to destroy and take down. I think it comes from frustration in life and the need to direct a lot of anger and frustration out on something or someone.


Many times, getting together with friends could mean this sort of 'good times'. There is a pleasure in verbally tearing apart people you don't care for, people who messed up royally, or just are difficult to get along with. It feels good to get those jabs in. But it doesn't last. It comes from indignance and anger and although it is expressed as laughter, its like kerosene to the indignance and anger, causing it to flare even more. It may feel like a release at the time, but if we're honest, we never really feel all that wonderful for more than a few minutes. We'll try to neurotically remember every word we said or a friend said....how their imitations were just so....all as an effort to do nothing more than to catapult us back in time so we might feel a little of the release we felt at that moment. But it never quite works out that way.


It turns out to be a pointless exercise to help us numb the pain of a pointless existence. But the type of humor or laughter points to something deeper in Solomon's text. Our job, relationships at home, finances, legal issues or whatever bear down on us through the week and we look forward to some good times this weekend. The frustration of life is brought with us to the bar, living room or backyard deck and our natural inclination is to take it out on someone or something else, therapeutically, of course. All as a means of relaxing, recharging the batteries. Since it's all jokes and laughter, what harm is there in it, and it seems to bring a little joy back, even for a moment. "What does pleasure accomplish?" Some of Solomon's friends would probably not understand what he was talking about. They were there too. It seemed like awesome times to them. But Solomon is just being honest. In the scheme of everything, it turns out to be pointless. Monday comes and reality, we find, never really left us. And it seems as if our despair has grown even more, as we face another week of insanity or unpredictable events. So, he turns to getting drunk to embrace all the folly. He just wanted to see if he did everything he could to 'lighten up' would he be able to find any point to it all or anything worthwhile, with the limited amount of air we get to take in before decaying in the ground. All meaningless.


I understand this all too well. My job involves lots of deadlines and pressure since it's connected to my client's cash flow. It's serious when its my cash flow. It's life or death when it's theirs. It's just how I have dealt with it since I began doing what I do over 20 years ago. Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy what I do and am very thankful for it. But many times I feel the need to find some outlet or deflate pressure or find just a little escape. And I realize lots of people have it much worse than I do. We can dress up work and career to make it look and sound very sexy, but in the end, it is toil. Toil in a fallen existence that's been going on for a long time. And we are just a tiny slice in the flow of history. Work is good. Toil is not the same thing as work. Yet seems to always be confused with work because they seem to be seen together so often.

SOMETHING'S MISSING

But this sort of pleasure isn't simply horse laughing jokes about somebody else over a brewsky. When I get together with friends, sometimes I try to reminisce about old times. Sometimes with a little hint of desperation. There is a desperation there to find a happy place in the absence of being able to travel in time to the same 15 minutes, over and over again. But even if I could, there's a necessary reality of diminishing returns. I saw a movie a couple of weeks ago that made me laugh so hard I felt I had a hangover the entire next day. I got to watch it again later on, hardly laughed at all. What a let down. It's like everything has a shelf life. According to Solomon, everything does and is going the same way, back to the dust.


So, if that is the case, what is it that makes us seek these good times out, relive them, make new ones, almost worship them? Jump ahead to chapter 3 verse 10-11:


"I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."


In other words, the movie that changed your life, the song or CD that made you weep, the awestruck feeling you got at the Vegas show or the book you read that seemed to give incredible perspective....these things are clues. We consider them nuggets of finality....islands of joy in a sea of toil and worry. But they are only clues, because they never last in intensity for us. Diminishing returns of good things. The ability to recognize them is a clue, in that we have the concept of eternity furnished in our hearts. Sartre said the minute we can get rid of the concept of our eternity, life is meaningless. He's right. But we can't. If we could, we would all be robots. We're not and the fact life is a series of diversions and bittersweet endeavors for happiness testifies to this. The object we recognize....the beauty in a song, painting, date.....the laughter in a movie or book....that feeling or stab of joy as C.S. Lewis would call it, is testimony of the eternity in our hearts and testimony to God who put it there as well as all the things in this world we get to enjoy, even with diminishing returns. We just want that same feeling again and we can't seem to duplicate it. We can experience it again in something completely different. But we can never duplicate it like it was when we first experienced it.


Have you ever stepped out in the back yard late at night, all alone, and just looked at the sky and pondered just about everything? The eternity set in your heart will not allow mechanical duplication of those little nuggets of joy. The reason why, is that you were made for more than little happenings or events. But if you try to turn eternity inside out and try sucking out the marrow of a late night joint, night out at Chochskie's with your buds or get a pirated copy of the movie that changed your life but can't wait for it to come out on cable....it's hollow and unfulfilling because those things were to point to the hunger and the hunger to be properly placed where it can be satisfied, which is God. He's spoken verbally, propositionally and truly, even if not exhaustively in Scripture. Solomon made Elvis seem like Bobby Fisher so he could tell you and me what it all means.....chasing the wind, unless we find ourselves satisfied in the One who placed eternity on our hearts. Lastly, He revealed His incredible love for us through the giving of His only Son. Whatever power, force, unbending legal requirements the Old Testament seems to reveal, the love behind it all was perfectly expressed in Jesus Christ.


Jesus is the inflection point between humanity and deity. Both are infused perfectly in Him. Everything I know about God, I know only through Jesus Christ. There is nothing I know about God outside of Jesus Christ. And life has meaning. It's not a nervous series of ingenious ways of trying to relive that stab of joy. No love is greater than the love revealed in His work on the cross and His work in my life.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

DOODLE DOODLE DEE, WUBBA WUBBA WUBBA: MEANING IN A WORLD OF DIVERSIONS


ECCLESIASTES CHAPTER 1 1The words of the Preacher,the son of David, king in Jerusalem.
2Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher,vanity of vanities! All is vanity.
3What does man gain by all the toilat which he toils under the sun?
4A generation goes, and a generation comes,but the earth remains forever.
5The sun rises, and the sun goes down,and hastens to the place where it rises.
6The wind blows to the southand goes around to the north;around and around goes the wind,and on its circuits the wind returns.
7All streams run to the sea,but the sea is not full;to the place where the streams flow,there they flow again.
8All things are full of weariness;a man cannot utter it;the eye is not satisfied with seeing,nor the ear filled with hearing.
9What has been is what will be,and what has been done is what will be done,and there is nothing new under the sun.
10Is there a thing of which it is said,“See, this is new”?It has been alreadyin the ages before us.
11There is no remembrance of former things, nor will there be any remembranceof later things yet to beamong those who come after. 12I the Preacher have been king over Israel in Jerusalem. 13And I applied my heart to seek and to search out by wisdom all that is done under heaven. It is an unhappy business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. 14I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind.
15What is crooked cannot be made straight,and what is lacking cannot be counted. 16I said in my heart, “I have acquired great wisdom, surpassing all who were over Jerusalem before me, and my heart has had great experience of wisdom and knowledge.” 17And I applied my heart to know wisdom and to know madness and folly. I perceived that this also is but a striving after wind.
18For in much wisdom is much vexation,and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.

FIND A HAPPY PLACE


For years, whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was easily entertained and diverted from delving too deep into things (still am to a large extent). I was sort of a pensive kid, but my thoughts weren't all that deep. I have always been one who brooded and thought to myself in the back seat of the car. But most of that was childhood fantasies and imaginary conversations that would never happen. I never probed reality. Why am I here? What's the point of me being here? Stuff like that....stayed away like mosquitos to deet spray. To be honest, I was scared to death what I might discover and decided to occupy my mind and time with daily stuff and when I spent time to myself, indulge in the fantasies and imaginary conversations. Music was always a passion from a very young age. It seemed as if you could find the artist as someone who was in the same situation as yourself, it made the music sound even better than it did before realizing what the lyrics were saying. At least that's how it was with me. No deep songs....just songs about....fantasies and imaginary conversations. As I grew, it was easier to avoid. You pick up all sorts of diversions the older you get. Pretty soon, you don't even realize you're doing that. It all seems natural and normal.

Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living. I would say that most people would consider Socrates a tool and unrealistic for having said that. Being successful with diverting attention over the years results in us trivializing these probing questions. There's a smorgasbord of options for diversions....many of them tactical. Television now has over 100 options and with digital, you can multiscreen different programs. Cool. Broadband below 4 meg is considered slow today. We tend to pay attention to flesh tones on commercials and computers, almost unconsciously. But those are 'creature comforts'. Then there are the diversions that aren't provacotive or controversial, like work, family. These are wonderful things, but to be honest, they are too easily big diversions too. And we milk it until the children fly the coop, the spouse leaves, dies or the job turns into either an empty success or a horrifying failure.... or extreme boredom.

Somehow, lack of sleep at 3am is the worst time to avoid those questions. So, turn on the television and see what's on. Probably Big Brother After Dark or International House Hunters. Cool...at least for a little while...when will sleep come!

If anyone of you have no idea what I'm talking about, then you'd probably lie about other things as well. This seems to be a common human experience. In fact, a subtle and creeping disatisfaction with life, regardless of successes or failures, permeates our thoughts when things get quiet and points to a deeper issue. I think its meaning....you know...why am I here...what's the point...etc....the trival crap Socrates referred to :-)

In fact, I'd say that the root to drug and alcohol addictions, depression, anxiety disorders, phobias, broken marriages, dishonest business dealings, pretty much all sin, are either rooted in this or fed by it. We get too close to it and we desparately want to find a happy place, artificially induced or otherwise. Some of us are fortunate enough to supress it rather easily. With others, it takes more work and some help. I fall into the first category....doesn't take much to divert my attention.

The writer of this chapter was touted as being the smartest man in the world. If you read Scripture, he was also the most experienced. He had over 700 wives and 300 concubines. He started off an orthodox advocate of Mosaic law, handed down to him from David, his dad. But as the wives and concubines came in, as his successes expanded, so did many other religions and idealogies. He delved into them all. I would contend there is no contemporary comparison to Solomon...not even Elvis or the Beatles. Solomon probably represents the single most successful and intelligent person of all time. By the time he wrote this passage, he'd gotten to the end of it all....success, women, religion, wealth, power...and he concluded it was all vanity....all meaningless.

Here's the main idea:

There is nothing new under the sun.

Everything under the sun, absent some transcendent meaning beyond it, is completely pointless, regardless of how important we think it is.

You can choose to divert attention away from this reality, and most do. But it is an excersize in self-delusion.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, I PRESENT TO YOU...BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH, BLAAAAAHHHH


The Hebrew word used in this text for vanity literally means empty, transitory, unsatisfactory. The word gives images of an unquenchable thirst, hunger or an itch that just can't be properly scratched. He says that

all

is vanity....rather than some or most or a little bit or just the taboo things. All under the sun, which is everything we call life, is meaningless, empty, vaccuous, unsatisfactory and simply doesn't scratch the itch. Most would probably consider it dark and overly pessimistic. It's one thing if he's exagerating the situation, needlessly or has an axe to grind. But its an entirely different situation if its true, but we don't like the sound of it and reject it for no good reason other than we don't like the ring of it or the feelings it conjurs. He makes his case in several steps, going through work, then diversions, wisdom then success. Though these things seem to draw attention away, they ultimately never fulfill. His arguments for these things are encompassed in the opening statement, his main thesis, from one who definitely knows and is in a position to know.

Verses two through seven make me think of workaholics, like myself, and environmentalists. No matter what we do, the earth swallows us whole, and our work, in total. Generations come and go. Octavius Gaius Caesar would eventually become Augustus Caesar, rule the world, die and end up as a nameless statue in front of a large casino/resort in Las Vegas, amid taxis, drunk tourists and hookers. Sort of anticlimactic, especially for someone who, comparitavely, was one of the most significant people in history. Solomon understood this reality nearly 1,000 years before Octavius was born. Hard work, successful or not, doesn't last and ultimately gets blown away by the wind. The rest of these verses bring up an important point about environmentalism. It isn't about the environment. Never was. Environmentalists aren't protecting the environment. They are protecting themselves. It's about us and our neurotic fear of not having control over nature. Solomon is saying no matter what we do, the earth will swallow us up and leave no trace. The environment is durable and adaptable. We're not so much, and as George Carlin once said, earth will shake us off like a bad case of fleas, if carbon footprints turn out to be a problem after all. All is vanity.

The next three verses deal with the absurdity and meaninglessness of diversions, either important ones or insignificant. Both eye sees and ear hears, with almost an unnoticed axiety, yet none of it satisfies us. Again, this is in context to everything under the sun. No matter what exists in earth, no matter how much pleasure, immediate gratification, it never satisfies. In fact, the text seems to indicate that it leads to a larger need for satisfaction, stoking the coals, rather than quenching the fire. The Hebrew word for 'satisfy' in these verses reflect a lack of fulfillment, unquenched thirst, to the point of weariness or despair. You get the idea that disappointment is recycled a million times over and still hardly anyone finally embraces it. All things are full of weariness, a man cannot utter it. There's no way to even explain this despair in order to capture its power and intensity. It's simply too much to grasp without getting drunk.

Verses 9 and 10 talk about ingenuity that turns out to be a rehash of a rehash of a rehash. We get great ideas about anything and pat ourselves on the back for being original and innovative. That is, until we figure out our discovery is more of a recovery of older ideas, just tweeked a little. Did you realize the ideas of Jehovah's Witnesses is rehashed Arianism from the 4th century? Christian Science is really modernized gnosticism. Postmodernism is the old classical skepticism. All the atheistic arguments aren't really new. They've been around the block many times before. Remember when Jesus told Pilate those on the side of truth listen to him? Pilate's response was "What is truth, anyway?" Sounds almost like a line out of a Cohen Brothers movie. Nothing is new under the sun. According to Solomon, nothing is new. Things and ideas come and go. If anyone thinks something is innovative, someone has already said it or done it many times over. The idea of progress....onward and upward, in the macro view, according to Solomon, is more of a flat, sideways motion, if it can even be called motion.

He ends this chapter by saying he prayed for wisdom, got it, considered it a huge burden to deal with and concludes, once again, everything under the sun is totally meaningless. Nothing is new. It would seem Solomon is building a recipe for suicide or simply checking out. The arguments he outlays in the following chapters are compelling and without an answer, one would have to admit that suicide or checking out is just a viable an option as pushing the red button, building skyscrapers, conquering nations or sitting on the couch and eating Cheetos. In the macro view, it doesn't matter.

Some say knowledge is power, saves or enlightens. According to the smartest man, knowledge, outside of life in Christ, leads to sorrow.

It doesn't end that way with Solomon. It didn't end that way with me. It doesn't have to end that way for you either. When Solomon states 'everything under the sun' he means a life lived without recognition of anything except what is under the sun. Without a transcendent point to all we observe, all we observe is completely pointless. Sartre stated once that any finite point without an infinite reference point is absurd. If there is nothing transcendent to anchor meaning in this life, it is absurd. But Sartre was wrong and Solomon wasn't ending his teaching with despair. He was only trying to point us to the real meaning to everything under the sun...which is beyond it.

MY AWAKENING....TO UNBEARABLE DESPAIR, JUST IN TIME TO BE SAVED


My own wake up from diversions and self-delusion was when my son died. Part of it was from fatigue, but aside that, once you experience a child's death, particularly if that is your only one at the time, you all the sudden begin to wake up and realize it is all pointless. How could it be anything but? It seemed only that event was powerful enough to wake me up to the folly of everything I did. Everything I did, from work, to relationships to combing my hair, picking out clothes or mowing the lawn, my carefully chosen mannerisms, etc...all meaningless...and humiliatingly pointless. Why did I do it? Was it just to impress others and gain acceptance? If so, from whom? Was I catering acceptance from others doing the very same humiliating rituals? Life was a three ring circius. Pass or fail, it all ends and is forgotten. Everything I thought was of vital importance was destined to die and decay into dust. Now, if someone would have introduced me to a life coach, I have no idea what I would have done. The idea of someone trying to manipulate me away from this reality to a sort of "My Little Poney" view of reality, for adults, was nausiating and almost made me violent at the thought. "Kill the life coach now! Use any blunt instrument!" I had gone from being a relatively docile guy, easily diverted and on the treadmill to who the hell knows where, to someone that wanted out, or a real alternative. But no more humiliating dances. Status quo for 29 years had to end or be properly explained. No third rail.

Jesus showed up and I was changed instantly. It's a good thing too. I am sure I would be divorced, sired several orphans, picked up a nasty addiction to something destructive or maybe even considered suicide, if it was painless. I didn't like pain. I still don't care much for it. But a meaningless existence was painful too. It (suicide) could have been an option. I truly believe that my state then was the closest I had ever been to reality, absent Jesus Christ. I wasn't left there. Jesus said seek and you will find. I felt like at that moment, I honestly sought, probably for the very first time in my entire life. Jesus invaded these thoughts, showed me not only His sacrifice for me through my son, but also that He was that small voice I recognized but couldn't identify, till then. It was Him all along. He was meaning because, as Scripture states, all things were made by Him, through Him and for Him. A life with meaning outside of Him is a life without meaning. Anything touted as a substitute is counterfeit and an excersize in futility.

Look, haven't you ever recognized, even for a split second, what Solomon is saying? Surely there have been those moments....probably not so much in the midst of a lot of suffering, but more than likely just after purchasing a new automobile, house, promotion, special recognition....success, achievement....those are the times, I believe, where the emptiness seems more acute. Ravi Zacharias had stated it best that despair is at its worst when you achieve that, which you thought would deliver the ultimate, and it let you down. I heard the testimony of a basketball player. He worked like a Turk to be the best. At last, after the hard work, he ended up scoring a 52 point game. It was a record. In the locker room, after the team cleared out and the celebration ended, he began to realize that nothing had really changed, even after scoring 52 points. He was right.

But Jesus is the purpose for the cosmos, humanity and history in general. It's all here and continues to exist because of Him. He's the point to it all. And He came just for those who choose to place there confidence for living in Him alone, by grace, through faith. With regards to reality outside of Christ, this is why I can understand the nihilists and the more destructive ideas than I can liberal Christianity or emergent Christianity or even peitistic or pharisiaical Christianity. I have more respect for George Carlin or Marilyn Manson than I ever will Jeremiah Wright, Brian McLaren or Bono. Its because George and Marilyn are closer to the truth than the others, outside of Biblical Christianity. The others are on some weird, self-deluded trip or loud, violent activism toward louder and more violent meaninglessness. It's all, bottom line, a giant wank-a-thon. All is vanity, outside of Christ.

"I AM THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD"


Here's the good news about Jesus. If He is the way, truth and the life. If all things are really made by, through and for Him, then even the death of my son is meaningful and, although painful and horrible, ultimately leads to something greater than the pain and horror itself. All things work for good of those that love God and are called according to His purpose. All things, rather than a few, some or many. And if it all made sense, then God is about as smart as I am, which isn't very smart and doesn't have that big a perspective. God, by definition should be more grandious, mysterious than a human personality. According to God's own words, through the prophet Isaiah, His thoughts are not ours, nor His ways ours. That's actually a good thing.
But since even good things are mysterious, they too are leading somewhere, rather than an empty feeling, even if I can't comprehend it yet. Also, no one suffered like Jesus. It's impossible to give a good representation of something earthly to compare His sacrifice. But maybe, if you are a parent, consider giving your child for someone else, watching them get brutalized, hear them call out for you to help, yet you have to turn your back, regardless of how shredded your insides feel and near insanity your mind approaches. What kind of concern would you have to have in order to allow such a thing to happen? Who is important enough to have your own child sacrificed in order for them to be reconciled to you somehow? It is inconcievable, to the point of it offending our senses, to think of a love so big, deep and powerful enough. Even if you had the power to completely heal your child from whatever brutality they suffered, could you still do it?

What kind of love is this?

You have the rest of your natural life to try grasping this mystery....or else keep dancing those humiliating dances and trying to keep enough diversions in your life to avoid dealing with the void that is always there and will not go away. In fact, I think all our advances in technology, entertainment and science itself has resulted from our desparate attempt to escape that void. God's only Son, the One He had to watch being brutilized, His call for help, yet turned His back on Him for the sole reason of providing a way for us to seek His face without condemnation. Through His Son's resurrection, to conquer death and become heir to all that is His, which is everything. A universe this vast is one that is for us to fill with the work of our hands and minds, all as a form of worship for the One who rescued idiots like me from a bitter end. If He can do that for me, He can certainly do it for you. It doesn't matter what you have or haven't done. It has been completely paid for. Do you want to merely exist or live? Sure, there will be pain, disappointment and some despair. But it will not be at your core. It will only be at the periphery. But it will all be unfused with rich meaning and purpose, whether comprehended or infused with the hope of comprehension at a later time. It requires nothing from you but your confidence and trust in Him....with empty hands. It's so easy.

By placing Him first, relationships have meaning and you can love them best. Outside of that, there is no anchor and relationships become 'it', dissapate eventually, and you are left with a big gaping hole to fill with something else.

By placing Him first, everything from work, social context, church...even down to the mundane things, like light bulbs, all seem to have a place that makes sense, regardless of the place we'd think they'd belong without placing Him first.

It can go hard or easy for us all. It went hard for Him, so that it doesn't have to be that way for us. His work is complete. Mere existence can turn into life and life eternal, now and hereafter. I will close with quotes from unbelievers who, I think, nailed the conclusion Solomon did years ago, then end with Jesus:

“… meaningless tragedies ... are exactly what we should expect, along with equally meaningless good fortune. Such a universe would be neither evil nor good in intention. It would manifest no intentions of any kind. In a universe of blind physical forces and genetic replication, some people are going to get hurt, other people are going to get lucky, and you won’t find any rhyme or reason in it, nor any justice. The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil and no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.” (emphasis added)- Richard Dawkins

“Life has no meaning the moment you lose the illusion of being eternal.”

"Hell is other people."

"People who live in society have learned to see themselves in mirrors as they appear to their friends. Is that why my flesh is naked? You might say - yes you might say, nature without humanity… Things are bad! Things are very bad: I have it, the filth, the Nausea"

All three, above, by Jean Paul Sartre

“Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty forever. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” - Jesus Christ

Monday, August 3, 2009

Climbing Jacob's Ladder


Some of you who are friends on FB haven't seen or spoken with me in many years. I used to be a big skeptic of Christianity and some of you can remember this. And I suppose it begs the question as to what happened to make the big reversal. Well, alot of it has to do with Jamie. Instead of a guy with a southern drawl, Gidieons Bible and chick tracks in hand, it was Jamie who gave a testimony to me, without ever uttering a single word.


The handsome little man to the left is our son and Meredith's older brother, James Arthur Curtis. He was born January 14, 1996 and died October 25, 1996. He was born 16 1/2 weeks early because of pre-ecclampsia (sometimes referred to as toxemia). He was our first child.
The reason I put his picture on a note that is about him, is because he was part of a story that, although still makes little sense to me, transformed me. He was the one who showed me Jesus Christ. This is very hard for me to write and I have tried it dozens of times because it wasn't right, or I just wasn't sure. But it has nagged at me and I have tried my best at it in this note. Please accept my apologies if I offend anyone. It is the last thing I want to do.

I had been vocally skeptical of Christianity since I was about 13 years old. I went forward in a youth event and was baptized in the local Baptist church at 12 years old. But I had no idea what it was all about and questioned it for the first time, after the baptism. Between that point and October 1996, I became steadily more critical and hostile to Christianity in almost all forms, particularly evangelical Christianity. I would argue with cousins, friends from school, whoever wanted to spar with me, I was glad to let them know ‘how things were’. I remember at my first marriage counseling appointment, I showed up a bit inebriated, ready to teach the preacher a thing or two about how things were. What a patient man he was. In fact, I found some old photos taken about 23 years ago at a friend’s house. We stayed up late to do a spoof on the southern Baptist youth summer camp in Oklahoma, called Rock Creek. Even now, I smiled at a few of those pictures. But, suffice to say, there’s plenty of evidence and witnesses to my hostility to Christianity. Some of you are friends on Facebook.

Stephanie, my wife, had been a believer for some time….a true believer, when we met. I say that because she was from the south and in the south, everybody says they are believers and go to church, whether they are or aren’t. As someone once said, down south, it’s hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys. She was an authentic believer because of how she put up with me. She never made it an issue, but never gave up when it came to finding a local church or blunting some of my more caustic remarks about Christianity. I saw it as a wife trying to smooth out the rough edges of a man used to being a bachelor. It was much more than that.
We had Jamie January 14, 1996. We had no idea how sick Stephanie was. But she was near death, as was Jamie, before having to perform a C section to get him out of the womb, because PICU became a safer place than her body, as the womb became every increasingly harmful due to the disease Stephanie had. He was born a little over 1 pound. I held him in my hand in PICU as the doctor told me he had a 7% chance of surviving the night. He survived the night and many more after that. Most of it was in PICU. However, we were able to take him home with us once he got to 5 pounds and room air. That still meant going home on oxygen, alarms and heavy meds, but going home nonetheless. We were scared but excited to have our son with us in the one bedroom efficiency my parents help furnish for us, after the wedding.

But he would take turns for the worse and we’d have to take him to the doctor or the emergency room, even though getting him out and about was probably more risky than whatever was wrong with him. However, we followed doctor’s orders and got him where he needed to be for help.

For anyone that knows about BPD, you know that without hope for the lungs, the heart follows. It turned out his heart was over-working, swelled and began to fail him. By September, we were back in PICU, for who know how many times. But now, the doctors were saying that there was no more hope. His heart was failing. We talked about a transplant. His chances, they said, were better as he was, than to undergo a surgery of that magnitude with his conditions. Despite the dire diagnosis, they let us take him back home with home health, after he stabilized.

It was late October, and early in the morning the night nurse watching Jamie came into our bedroom and woke us up. Jamie’s heart stopped. My wife immediately jumped out of bed, went into his room and began CPR. She got his heart beating. We had called the ambulance and we ended up in the emergency room at University Hospital. His primary physician was called and spoke to me on the phone, after she was briefed from Jamie’s admittance. She did more listening than talking. I was frantic and can’t remember what I told her, but the gist of it was, ‘please help him.’ Her silence told me there was nothing anyone could do. After ten months, I began to realize he was at the end of his struggle to live. He was an infant, but the toughest person I ever met.

That night, Jamie was moved to PICU and watched constantly. We had already been briefed by the doctor on call and we had signed a DNR. After exploring all the options, it seemed his options were slim and we were all waiting for the inevitable. It came early the next morning. I had fallen asleep in the consolation room of PICU. Someone, I can’t remember who, came in and woke me up. “It’s time Charlie.” My heart pounded as I walked up to his room. There, crawled up on his bed, holding him tight in her arms, was Stephanie. She was singing to him. I came to them and held him and her close. I felt his body turn cold and his color leave. At this point, the pain was so overwhelming that I wanted death. I wanted to trade places, if he could live. My head turned upward and I remember using every bit of life I had in me to scream “WHY? GOD, WHY?” Everything seemed to be a blur except what was right in front of me and what was going on inside of me.

At that moment, everything I had ever done in my life seemed like shit and a complete waste of time. And I think that is the word Paul would use, if he were me. All the grades I tried to maintain; all the relationships and perceptions I tried to promote or control; all the circumstances I tried to master; all of the stupid personas of myself I desperately tried everyone to believe was really me. All the arguments I held and defended. All the times I tried so hard to impress others and win their approval, from the mannerisms, to the mundane things, like hair and clothes. Every bit of energy I put into life was a vain attempt at greater humiliation than had I not put any energy in life at all. It was a giant pile of steamy shit and it mattered about as much. My son had suffered incredible pain, only to die in our arms. What a completely bizarre and meaningless thing to live. You are caste forth into existence only to do a few totally humiliating dances in front of others and nature, then get a stroke or cancer, shit your underwear and decompose. All that energy….that desperation, from as early as I could remember till then…total waste of time. As I held him in my arms, I wanted no part of it anymore. I was ashamed to have taken part in it before. I wanted someone to shoot me. It was too much. I took a breath, looked at my wife, who seemed to be in her own hell too. I saw my parents and her parents, all helpless, broken and in tears. We were in our own hell, alone in it and untouchable in it, even though we were physically together.

A voice bellowed from deep from the recesses of all these thoughts, like oil bubbling out of the ground, spontaneously. “I know this hurts. I understand this pain far more than you will ever know. Look at Jamie. He’s your only son and you have had to watch him suffer and die a horrible death. You would give anything for him to be healthy and safe. I had to watch My Son die too. In fact, I had to turn my back on Him. There’s a pain you will never have to know because I know it and went through it. I did it for you, because I love you. My Son lives for you. And I have Jamie now. He’s safe with me. But you aren’t until you run to Me. Stop fighting me Charles. I love you so desperately.” I am paraphrasing. In fact, I have tried writing this over and over and even now, it doesn’t do service to what I heard. I don’t care to take care of all the theological nuances to make sure it is in line with the ancients. I know what I heard. I heard the Father and He showed me His Son in a way I never comprehended. I wouldn’t comprehend it. All of the sudden, this sort of love was bottomless….too deep for me to fathom.

It was far bigger than anything I could relate to with other people, even my own wife and parents. It was love, rather than a big example.

We stopped to eat breakfast at Marie Calendars at day break. The nurses, before we left, asked me if we wanted to donate his body parts and I told them he’d been through enough and to leave him alone. I am not sure at what point I did tell everyone. I do know it was gradual and awkward. I began with my wife, who had gone the other way for a while. She had tried to do all the right things and then He allowed this to happen. It wasn’t until 2004 that He showed up and healed a lot of that pain. I’ve been chided by my own family along the way. My parents are thrilled. My parents probably thought I was always saved. They tend to think far too much of me, as their son, than I really was and am. But that’s ok. My brother was indignant for a while. I remember him yelling at me in my office about the audacity of me considering he didn’t know God. And I understand that. It does sound arrogant on the surface. Plus the fact I haven’t been that great at communicating sensitive things in the first place. If I could go back, I would tell him that I don’t know why I knew God…in fact, He should have nabbed him before me. My sister is sort of the same. Family is hard. I think Jesus even said something about family and hometown being hard. I can understand that. Sometimes I think they are afraid to say too much, because they think this is my way to cope with the death of a child. Not sure and am speculating. I just know they are not on the same page with me. I just hope and pray that we only are on different sides of the parts where I am completely wrong. I can live with that. Sometimes the whole point can get buried in the details and mini disagreements and personality clashes. In any case, it seems that whether it is the circumstances surrounding my salvation or even how that related to my family and job, there was no explanation for it other than it being true. And it is.

He was with us through the rest of the hell. He walked with me through the maze of little caskets we had to pick out for Jamie. He was with us through the funeral.....when we fell apart and disappeared for a while...when we came back and tried to get back into life. He has never left. I still remember my cousins singing Jacob's Ladder at the funeral. It was the song Stephanie sang to Jamie more than most others. It will always have a special place in my heart. He was there, through it all. I just couldn't see it at the time.

How do you tell someone about this? Most folks get saved out from under drug addiction, sexual addiction, prison…whatever…..was lost then found. They were miserable, then they found Him and had something to shout about. It wasn’t that way with me. I loved Him and would follow Him. But He took my son. He could have gotten my attention any way He wanted and He chose this. I was loved Him and was incredibly angry with Him, at the same time. I was saved when my son died. How can you consider that a good, old fashioned ‘testimony’? To this day, my story of finding Jesus has been a stammered series of ADD moments all cut and paste together into a vague and foggy recount. Its only because I don’t know how to tell it. I am not sure how it would be taken or how it could be used. You hear stories of God providing, just at the last minute, bringing in folks or their loved ones from certain death. I found Jesus IN the death of my son, not through his skirting it or being pulled back from it. I found Jesus in the blackness of it. It’s not a happy story, even though I now have life.

For the first time, I decided to follow Him, wherever that led me. For a while, I thought it was seminary and a full-time vocational career as a minister. I’m not saying it won’t, but I found out when you begin to place your confidence in Jesus, you start off all excited, awkward and really annoying to others. I was no exception. I loved apologetics and philosophy and, by now, think I have probably read as much as a PhD….but without the PhD. I know of His love, His Kingdom, and see it as ultimate reality. Right now, its communicated through what I am writing here and through any opportunities I have to share Him in my work. Whatever I do, I do for Him. He’s my boss. And I love Him. And I talk to Him in ways I would never talk to anyone else. I say some of the most horrendous things that if I said them to someone else, I would be slapped, punched or committed. I have found He can take it. And I have found out that if I can’t come to Him with all of the mess, I have fooled myself in this entire ordeal, since 1996. I am not a good Baptist or a good Christian. I like my beer, my slang, myself, warts and all….not for the sake of the beer and slang and so forth…but because that is who I am, right or wrong. I am definitely better than I was, but only to the extent of my honesty, rather than my ‘goodness’ whatever that means, and it depends on your circles. To some, it’s usually two lists…one of taboos and another of virtues….avoid the ones and follow the other and you will do well. That’s also a steamy pile of shit. If I cannot TRULY become like Jesus without faking it, I cannot ever become like Jesus. And I am not faking it, as uncomfortable as that is in many church settings. I can’t complain though. I have great friends in my local church family. It’s taken me a while to realize they love me for who I am. But I have gone through quite a bit of embarrassment in getting to that point with many of them. The closer I am to Him and the more I recharge among His own, I can see the difference in my heart and my mind. And it is real, rather than contrived. As soon as I say that, I begin playing Super Christian again and go through another weird cycle of sin, repentance and new appreciation. But this is going somewhere. I just need to get used to the humiliation along the way. It’s all good.

So, that is how I went from skeptic to an unashamed follower of Jesus Christ. Some of you can’t understand any of this. I can relate. But if it all made perfect sense, then its probably all just me. Despite the conditions of how I got turned around, I do wish you knew Who I knew. I am nothing special. In fact, for a lot of you who are probably still skeptics, I can’t understand why He hasn’t already gotten to you before me. A lot of you are much better a person than I was or even am now. A lot of you have probably even been mistreated by me and find it hard to read anything I have to say, out of anger. I ask for you to forgive me, a sinner…chief among them all. Please accept my apologies for purposefully snubbing you, leading you down primrose paths, just to cut you lose at the last minute….for the abuse of my position….for the total disregard of respect. Please forgive me. I was wrong and can’t undo any of it. I want you to know that He has forgiven me and we are fine. But He wants me to make things right, because He loves you too….very much. Maybe if I tell you my story, some of the anger will subside enough to get only that part of my message. If not, I want you to know I am stubborn and will continue with the ‘Jesus stuff’, and if it doesn’t come that way for me, I pray every day that the message comes to you from someone else that may not have a history with you like I may have with you. He invaded my life, turned it around and I still wonder where He’s taking me. But it is exciting, especially since I have confidence in the ending. It makes it more exciting to experience.

He lives. He is life and life eternal. When He took my place on the cross, He took all my sin, past, present and future on Himself. When His Father turned His back on Him, that was a separation I will never have to face. And when He got up and walked out of the tomb, He has provided me a power no one on earth, below or above can equal or challenge. I am not much, but He is Holy One of God and He is quite fond of me. He’s the only way to the Father and if it weren’t for that one way, I would be lost and still doing the humiliating dances, pretending I was something else, on my way to destruction. And I still dearly miss my boy. But as King David said when his boy died, "If he can't come to me, I will go to him." And I surely will. I love Him more and more, with reckless abandon. I want you to know Him, in case you don’t already. If there is anything I can think of about my story, its that He is faithful and trustworthy, even when it all gets taken away. And when it does, He will be there and if you place confidence in His Son, He will always be there, even when nobody else will. God bless and thanks for reading.

Charles

Friday, July 31, 2009

Goiter on the Potomac: Misquotes and Lies I

From time to time, I will try to post quotes from our wonderful political leaders and shed some light on their words:

"This has all cost some money to do, although I've got to admit, when I hear some of the critics talking about out-of-control spending, I can't help but remember those are the same critics who contributed to the $1.3 trillion deficit that I inherited when I walked in. They basically handed me a bill for $1.3 trillion and said, "Here, fix it," and now they're on TV saying, "Why haven't you fixed it yet?" in the middle of the greatest recession since the Great Depression." Barak Obama, Bristol, VA July 29, 2009

The deficit doesn't represent the nations debt, but the loss reflected in a year's spending over a year's income. The 2008 deficit was $458 billion prior to the bail out bill that Barak stopped campaigning to fly back to DC and vote "Yes".

In fact, the entire debt accumulated between 2001 and Barak's inauguration was $1.08 trillion, inclusive of the $458 billion deficit for 2008. THe following comes from the Office of Budget and Management, also found on the US Treasury Department website: (not very good with making tables in html)

  1. YEAR REV. EXP. DEFICIT
  2. 2001 1,991.4 1,863.2 128.2
  3. 2002 1,853.4 2,011.2 –157.8
  4. 2003 1,782.5 2,160.1 –377.6
  5. 2004 1,880.3 2,293.0 –412.7
  6. 2005 2,153.9 2,472.2 -318.3
  7. 2006 2,407.3 2,655.4 -248.2
  8. 2007 2,568.2 2,728.9 -160.7
  9. 2008 2,524.3 2,982.9 -458.6


Total cumulative deficits since 2001 = $1,057,600,000

So, Obama inherited a $458 billion deficit, rather than a $1.3 trillion deficit. He did inhereit a $1 trillion debt. But lets go back to the OMB/Treasury numbers and see the forecasts from 2009 thru 2012:

  1. YEAR REV EXP DEFICIT
  2. 2009 2,156.7 3,997.8 -1,841.2
  3. 2010 2,332.6 3,591.1 -1,258.4
  4. 2011 2,685.4 3,614.8 -929.4
  5. 2012 3,075.3 3,632.7 -557.4


Total cumulative deficits between 2009 and 2012 = $4,586,040,000

Remember, these are OMB/Treasury numbers, reflecting 3% GDP growth next year and spiralling up beyond. In other words, these are the rosy numbers. The optimistic growth numbers for 2009 have already become obsolete and adjusted downward. Notice how Barak took an inherited deficit of $458 billion and quadrupled it in just one year. Also notice how Barak inherited a debt of $1.057 trillion and has almost doubled it in 7 months. It took Bush and the Congress eight years to accumulate $1.057 trillion. He did that before he even got out of the car at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

So, his statement is false. But was it intentionally false? Yes. Because he is trying to sell you the idea that he is fixing the debt he inherited. "Why haven't you fixed it already?" But by fixing it, he exacurbated it, exponentially. He doesn't want you to see that. He wants you to think he's fixing Bush problems, while creating new ones that far eclipse anything Bush ever did, fiscally. Keep in mind, the $1 trillion debt includes the war in Iraq from beginning to 2009.
I truly believe he thinks the American public is really stupid and he could tell us pink elephants are crowding the sky and its Bush's fault.....and we'd buy it. He's an elitist...one bent on destroying our nation and creating a new one that looks more like that drempt by Saul Alynski. He will do that by pushing bills that no one knows wrote through too fast to read or digest. By the time we do, it will already be law. He wants to borrow from other nations, and push other central banks to print money to lend us, while we print money, in order to throw currencies off balance and push us to a global monetary system. But he can't trust your vote to get this done, because you will probably not go for it. So, he does it this way.

Wake up. Pay attention. And please read multiple sources and ask questions. The only chance we have of changing things by 2010 is an informed public that will not buy into stupid and arrogant statements like this. Check this post out as well. It's not immune.

The link for the quote is:http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/07/29/AR2009072902644.html

The link for the numbers provided above is an excel spreadsheet at :http://www.ustreas.gov/

Friday, July 24, 2009

Don't ever say I am not transparent or self-deprecating

"Soak it up....that's about as political as I will probably get on this blog."

~ Charles Curtis, September 29, 2008, Sarah Palin post

Ooops.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Ron Paul

I was against Paul in the primary because of his radical stance of isolationism. But I regret that. I actually felt like I had no other choice than to vote for.....John McCain. I still am reeling from that. Could be worse. I could have voted for BHO Overdrive.

Paul is right on with his opinions on what is going on with the fed, our economy and our way of thinking in this country.

You can describe monetary policy with as many charts and graphs as you want, but bottom line is we have a bank helping the treasury department help congress spend more than God.....and tell us its saving us from disaster the entire time.

"Well, what alternative plan do you have?"

It's refreshing to hear someone say, "no plan" without flinching.

Sometimes not doing anything is the best course of action. Especially if you are congress or the fed. Their help is worse than our own harm. Complain about how we need more regulatory oversight all you want. We don't need a nanny to take care of us, especially since the nannie is far worse than we are, on our worst day. Do you really think the federal government is sober and moral enough to watch out for our indescretions? No, really?

And there used to be a time where we gutted through a recession, as painful as some of them were. It was pretty awful back in the early 1830's, and again in the latter 19th century. Even though we kept progressing economically through all these cycles, I think we started looking for some morphine at the turn of the century when the government turned to JP Morgan to bail us out then. It gave us the ingenius idea of the federal reserve bank in the first place. We were immediately addicted.

All this fed/treasury/stimulus crap is nothing more than our attempt at economic anesthesia, resulting in layer after layer of super important idiots creating super important long term catastrophes for short term pain management.

Republican or Democrat....if you think our current system of monetary and fiscal tinkering is actually something that is good for us, then you might want to hold off till you are taken off the slow drip before you begin to properly respond.

Folks, we are spending $4 trillion and taking in $2 trillion.....borrowing the rest or creating it out of nothing to fill in the gaps with what we fall short on debt raising. It's not helping us. Tacking on cap and trade as well as nationalized health care (it is nationalized....there will be no private insurance soon after the bill becomes enacted) is like taking a couple more hits of heroine as a plan to go cold turkey. Wake up. Turn off the Denise Richards reality show and The View...get into some good resources, find out what's going on and get plugged into stearing this country while we still have it to stear.

You wouldn't allow vandals to keep spray painting your house or car? Why let them drive the country in the ground? Wouldn't that be considered poor stewardship as well? What if it is God's will to let the US fall? Maybe. He is in control. And I am sure everything will be fine. But you and I can't guess His detailed plans anymore than the disciples could in Acts 1. In the meantime, we should stay involved, in principle. There is no contradiction in trusting God and being involved in the future of your country. There's also nothing contradictory about the Gospel of Jesus Christ and exercising your very blessed ability to have a say in how your government is working or not working.

There's nothing more dangerous to tyranny or total chaos than a truly informed and involved citizenry.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Time to Live for Something Bigger than US


I was at a telecommunications summer conference this week. I heard lots of speeches and lots of advice on surviving the current economic and competitive landscape. I heard about getting your hands on stimulus money, retaining revenue streams, etc. I heard one speech by the CEO of the National Exchange Carrier Association, Bill Hegman. In the midst of all those speeches, his seemed so different. He was concerned about principles, rule of law, united front, etc. He was talking about something bigger than individual self-enlightened interest. As far as I know, it may have eventually been served by that purpose, but nonetheless, his speech was very inspiring to me. And it made me think why. Why would I follow him into hell after hearing that speech? Then it hit me. Simple! He was talking about something bigger than himself. He was appealing to something more than our own personal peace and affluence. And it was refreshing to hear. It made me think about the nation's state of affairs and the lack of a Bill Hegman on the national political scene. I'm not suggesting Hegman run for president nor do I believe he would survive that or even desire to do it. But I think people are hungry for principles over pragmatic answers. Obama won the election, for the most part, because of his idealistic speeches, although opportunistically insincere, as we now realize. We are hungry to live for something bigger than ourselves. But in our day and age, the trouble seems bigger than we are. In fact, it is paralyzing. Those we trusted seem scared and disorganized. Decisions are ad hoc. It almost can be akin to 6 year old kids operating track hoes and wrecking balls in an art museum. It's bad. It can either cause you to seek refuge in something innocuous or else leave us embittered. It doesn't have to be that way. But in order for us to see it, we need to think bigger than us, and U.S.

U.S. Decay - Economic


Here's some facts from the Treasury Department:

Our annual deficits have historically ran between $200 and $450 billion. There was an exception between 1998 and 2001 when the government operated under a surplus, due to the internet/dot.com economic explosion. However, that bubble popped and we were back at deficits that trend back to early to mid 1990 levels. However, for 2009, alone, the annual deficit is projected to be $1.8 trillion dollars, almost 5 times the high end of past deficits.

Currently, the Treasury has borrowed $7.5 trillion in publically traded debt and another $4 trillion in non-tradible debt. The total outstanding debt load is $11.4 trillion dollars. The average interest rate on publically traded debt is 4% and the interest expense per year equates to about 22% of total tax reciepts.

Speaking of tax receipts and government spending, we have been collecting about $ 2trillion dollars per fiscal year in revenue. For 2009, it is estimated to be $2.1 trillion, a drop from most current years due to the recession. However, spending has gone up one trillion dollars over 2008 spending, topping off just under $4 trillion dollars per year. We bring in half the tax revenue we spend in this fiscal year. The rest is borrowed.

Our debt as a percentage to total gross domestic product is about 45%. China, a communist nation's is around 20%.

When we borrow to fill in the gap, the Treasury department will sell bonds at coupon rates. Since January, the Federal Reserve has sold over $1.2 trillion dollars. However, because the market has been flooded with new US debt, the purchase price for these securities has dropped. Put simply, the value of one more treasury security isn't worth what it was in 2001 since there's trillions of dollars of outstanding securities floating around out there now. The more we sell, the more the price goes down. That causes the yeild to go up (the coupon interest earned compared to purchase price of the bond, rather than the face value). That causes all interest rates that are based on treasury yield to rise.

Some economists, including the Treasury Secretary, that the rising yields are a positive sign that investors are preferring private sector investments...a sign of economic recovery. Very cool story. However, the real reason is that we have flooded the market with debt securities and their value has dropped. It means that next year, if we need another $2 trillion, the Treasury, working with the Fed, will sell $2.7 trillion in order to compensate for this devaluation. But it is also interesting that at the same time as our trouble raising enough money, the fourth largest holder of publically traded securities are Carribean-based offshore banks, of which many cater to drug cartels. So, how much of our debt is actually financed with drug money? Who knows. But when extreme times call for extreme measure, coupled with the true human potential, rather than the potential touted by Oprah and Tim Robbins, we can probably be sure it is growing and significant.

If we miraculously stopped all debt financing today, we will still have almost $12 trillion in debt to pay when, on our best days, we spend about what we bring in, making debt retirement impossible. Most of it these days has been purchased by China. They are concerned about their investment (our debt). Why? Because we haven't issued enough debt to cover our costs (due to lower than expected reciepts, lower market prices on security sales, etc) and so the Fed makes up the difference in cash by buying up existing securities from banks and crediting their account with cash for lending purposes. That makes the value of existing debt, like the debt China holds, devalued even more.

In addition, the U.S. Government now has a say in the banking operations of Bank of America and Citibank, to name a few. Everything down to lending practices and compensation are now under government purview. Once more, they are also involved in the auto industry. The government now has a say in what kind of automobiles GM and Chrysler make. This summer, they are looking at nationalizing health care and getting into that business as well. Outside of providing defense, little else the government has gotten involved has been close to success.

As debt is devalued, so is our currency, since our currency is backed purely by the U.S. good faith and credit. As that good faith and credit becomes devalued, our currency has gone along with it. The dollar is already weaker than its prior comparisons with the Euro, Yen, Renmimbi, etc. We can see it in higher gas prices at the pump. In 2006, 2007 and 2008, we looked to speculators, oil companies or OPEC to place blame for skyrocketing prices at the pump. Today, those prices do not reflect anything more than the simple fact the dollar cannot buy as much oil as it once could. We will see fuel prices continue to rise, along with interest rates, as the dollar goes down and our debt balloons more.

China is getting queazy about investing in all our debt. They are especially queazy about our printing of money to make up for what cash we can't borrow from others, which makes the value of already issued securities, like those held by China, decline. It makes them a little upset and concerned. China's economy has slipped to 6% growth.....let me say that again....China's economy has SLIPPED to 6% growth. It was around 10% before the global crisis. China's nominal GDP was about $4 trillion in 2008. The U.S. real GDP was about $11 trillion. The exchange rate of the Chinese Renmimbi to the U.S. dollar has dropped from over $8 in 2006 to about $6 today. At this rate, the Chinese will surpass the U.S. as the primary economic power in 2030, with very conservative assumptions. It will more than likely come sooner.

With liberals in control, their answer will be higher taxes, not just for the rich but for the middle class since they will begin admitting to the fact that they could never balance the budget by taxing the rich. That will happen after the first round of further tax hikes to the 'rich occurs, and the defined bracket for 'rich slips from the definition of it in the Fall of 2008. There's simply not enough money to 'spread around' to fill the gap. Instead, the 'rich' will halt investment and creation of jobs since more and more operating cash flow goes to income taxes where it once went to payroll and capital investment. The economy will slag, tax receipts will go down as tax rates go up. We will spiral into a condition we have never seen in our entire history. In fact, we have already slipped into it while we were watching NCAA tournament last spring.

And just in case you think I consider Republicans the heroes, keep in mind that I truly believe liberal Democrats are in control because America was tired of Republicans acting irresponsible and ad hoc so we decided to trade out for the real thing, rather than get some song and dance from these people who are supposed to be different from liberal Democrats.

U.S. Decay - Political


Our foriegn policy abroad has shifted as well. We now appease everyone at odds with us, regardless of who they are or where they are. We are closing Gitmo, a first rate holding facility, so that people like Kaleed Sheik Mohamed will be able to get due process under the law. Mr. Mohamed, the architect for 911, has already laughed at our due process and committed to killing us all. But somehow, we think he'll have a 'come to Jesus' if we are able to get him a lawyer and a jury of 12....how shall I say....peers? Our president has apologized to the world for the work of men and women at Gitmo. He has apologized for our men and women's work in Iraq and Afghanistan. He promises that now we are going to behave in accordance with our core values.

What are those core values? No torture. Cool. But torture is defined as subjectively as 'rich' is defined for tax policy. It's clear that waterboarding is not the same thing as water torture or a cat of nine tails. But there is the argument that water boarding doesn't work. That may be. But that has nothing to do with 'core values', even if it may be a better argument. There's a disconnect between the actual arguments and what our president proclaims publically. It's because there's not much of a consistent line of thinking. We want to appease everyone. Everyone is more than willing to be appeased. Demand will meet supply. However, there will be enormous concessions in that appeasement. Anyone who complains about these concessions, assuming they become public while the public can do anything about them, will be met with familiar derision labelling them as 'going backwards to the Bush administration policies'. It seems as if any stupid move the Obama administration makes (and there are scads so far), all critics will be labeled as wanting to return to Bush. That way, they try to avoid any accountability.

ACORN: This group was founded to empower those without any power or influence. That sounds pretty cool. It turns out, they are exploiting those people in order to make money for the liberal party hacks who achieved power. People on the margins were recruited and paid slave wages based on performance....the more you registered, the more you were compensated. As a result, some registered 73 times and 14 states currently are investigating voter fraud from 2008. The State of Nevada alone has investigated ACORN for breaking Nevada election laws, let alone federal laws. The CEO was forced to resign last year upon his embezzling $1 million dollars of tax payer dollars became public.....about 6 years after the fact. The money is gone and no one has pressed charges. By the way, even though helping out those who cannot help themselves is a good thing, those who founded ACORN believed more than that simple virtue. They believed in pure socialism and by funnelling entitlements to the 'disenfranchised' it would put our current form of government in chaos, leading to an opportunity to gain power under a socialist agenda. The means used were bullying. Individuals would bust into an office and make threats unless entitlements were paid. Depending on who you talk to, it is bullying. To the bullies, it was coming to the rescue of the oppressed. I will let the current state of affairs with ACORN be evidence for you to decide which was the case.

Rodney Blogoyovich has started a reality television show with his wife, after being impeached for selling Obama's Senate seat to Roland Burris. Once the press got hold of this, Rahm Emmanuel threw Blog under the bus. Once Mr. Burris became skiddish and details came out about his tit-for-tat, he was thrown under the bus. When the ACORN employees were caught with votor fraud, ACORN threw them under the bus as 'rogue employees'. So much for empowering the disenfranchised.

And because we have been so taken with diversions, like sports, reality television and other things, we have considered our constitutional rights as 'politics', considered as either boring, non-relavent or met with such derision that no participation is an act of participation. We have adds pleading people to vote.....long after the entire vetting process has already been completed by party hacks.

We are the wealthiest nation in all of history. We live better than Louis XIV, Pope Pius XII, Elvis and almost anyone else in history. We have two refrigerators, two or three cars, a television in every room with over 100 channels of content (all of it crap). We eat better than any nation in history and struggle with eating disorders and weight....something that even 18th century France would be astounded. And then we wonder why health care is expensive, gas prices go up or the mortgage industry fails.

In essence, we have been wilfully lulled to sleep by our own success and blessings. Now, we are losing them and we don't know what to do about it, aside find escape in more entertainment or become embittered. As our resolve becomes more confused and ad hoc, other cultures are beginning to rise up in income growth and participation in the world economy. Many saw this coming back in the early 80's, and aside our own screw ups, it was still to be something to contend with. With our screw ups, it is probably something we are to hoplessly acquiesce. Some solace can be taken in that much of these new economic powerhouses have been influenced by us over the years, whether they liked or respected us.

U.S. Decay - Spiritual


The prevalent view of reality is purely physical. What do I mean by that? Anything....whether it is about behavior, morality or even science itself, is understood with one underlying assumption: nothing exists except the material...only that which can be reduced to an explanation through physics and chemistry. First of all, that view is clearly false. But for reasons of this note, I leave that for another time. What I want to discuss are the consequences of that worldview.

If everything is reducable to the material, then things we hold dear...the things that make life life, are illusions and are either abandoned or considered mere practical conventions. For example, we all feel awful when a child goes missing. However, under the materialistic rubric, the only explanation for that moral motion is an evolutionary phenomenon....we hurt for the missing child because we like survival rather than extinction. Anything more read into it is pure myth, under a materialistic view of reality.

It also reduces all goals, values and principles to the individual level, since there can be no real existence of these things since they are non-scientific. So, we try to live with two virtues....do whatever you want so long as you don't hurt anybody and be tolerant of everything. However, the definition of 'hurt' is as subjective as the ethics held and in the end, everybody walks around like raw nerves living to satisfy urges, desires and immediate needs. Paul used to call this living through our bellies. The reference dealt with hunger over all things but it also meant any bodily desire. Sex is no exception. In essence, since morality is a slippery set of non-scientific concepts, they are only important to the indivudal holding them. However, when they clash, things get a little sticky and no one seems to have an overarching solution, since we killed them off with the advent of modern scientific reality.

Morality is reduced to mere pragmatism. What is right is defined by what gets me what I want. What is wrong is what stands in the way of me getting what I want. It is as simple as that. Entire elections and businesses and cable channels are built around these sad virtues. We are a nation without an anchor. When Obama talks about core values, he hints toward somethin that no longer exists and he knows it. It's pragmatically referred to for political clout, rather than referring the world as a shepherd to a set of objective moral values. The Sura in the Quran he quoted in Cairo sounded neat. However, in context, it was a passage dealing with local apostates that abandoned Mohamed and the instructions on how to deal with such types, such as jihad. I don't think Obama called for jihad. I don't think he's a Muslim or a Christian. I just think he pulled that out and read it like a fortune cookie, just as he would the Bible in another speech. I think he's agnostic or atheist and believes religion is not a vehicle to pay homage to any god, but a political tool to overthrow those in power, in terms of liberal theology.

There is no clear consensus of what we are really all about unless we are viciously attacked. Then we find survival as the only common thread among us all. But that is never enough for a country to thrive. And once the attack begins to fade with other less pressing problems, we begin to become fragmented once again....probably even more than before.

Most of our forefathers were not believers. However, all of them lived within the consensus of a Judeo-Christian worldview. That has been replaced with the consensus of a worldview of matter plus time plus chance. Our personal desires are the new constitution and with that situation, truly, anything goes in a nation without any objectively spiritual health.

U.S. Decay - No Return...at least not in our time or our way.


Here's the bad news: the party is over. Our nation will probably never be what it once was (and that does not include an arctic sheild covered with ice). We will soon be eclipsed by the Chinese economy, never to return to our place in world affairs. In fact, the new economic powerhouse will be the Pacific Rim, in general. We can blame Republicans or Democrats, but in the end, we are to blame because we are a nation of self-determined citizens. We have determined it, not by choice, but by proxy. Our participation has become more and more limited because, just like remote controls for changing channels without having to get up out of our chair, we can allow the parties to run everything for us, let the government do everything for us, and just hope it all works out while we seek more and more diversions to fill the ever increasing hole in our hearts.

The election in 2010 will probably not be anything out of the ordinary compared to other elections. Party power may change, but the same yahoos doing the same things, all over again. That's because, now, if we understood what it takes to change everything given our constitution abilities, it would require enormous life changes in most of us right now, in order to make such a change by 2010. That probably won't happen.

Here's the good news: God is entirely in control. He probably ordained our fall. Why? Some would say it was because of our past sins....current sins....sins to come. Probably part of it. I think if it is ordained, it isn't simply a punishment-reward strategy. It's probably something much more interesting....and if we believe Paul's letter, something good for us who entrust ourselves in Jesus Christ. Read Acts 1. Keep in mind that Jesus' followers had seen much over the past 3 1/2 years. They even watched Him die an agonizing death, yet come back to life and teach them, culminating in this scene in chapter 1. After all of that, Jesus told them to wait.....which turns out to be a really big deal. What were they expecting?

"So, when they met together, they asked him, 'Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?'" Acts 1:6

To see your leader scourged and crucified was enough to make you forget about politics. To see that same leader show up after getting up and walking out of the tomb should make politics seem about as important your tire pressure. However, because we are creatures of familiarity, we like connecting the truth we discover with the familiar we like, even though the familiar we like may be deemed to parish. Not only did Jesus not restore the kingdom to Israel at that time, He allowed those in charge to persecute them and scatter them to the four corners of the world.

And it was a good thing He did. Otherwise, hardly anyone gentile would have any idea about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. If you were to ask those people as Herod's people, Caiaphas' people or Roman governers imprisoned them, beat them, forced them from commerce, etc, they probably wondered where God was and when He was going to do something about it. He did. But it was antithetical to what they expected. Instead of defeating all the bad guys and restoring Jerusalem to Jesus, He purposefully permitted persecution from the bad guys. They ended up in Samaria. But they couldn't find peace there either. Some ended up in India. Others in Egypt. Others still in Greece, Rome and Spain. As they fled, they brought with them the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Home churches sprung up all over the Roman Empire and beyond.

What lessons does Acts have for us today? I think we Christians are guilty of thinking Jesus was American and God loves democracy. But, if we are serious students of the Bible, we should be able to at least reference Romans 11:33-36. Oh the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counsel? Those are rhetorical questions, by the way. The answer is 'no one'.

It could be that God deems the U.S. to decay and fade away into history. I know that sounds almost heretical. But I bet some might consider it heretical had Jesus said what was already known to Him at the time they asked Him about the kindgom and Israel too.

Let me give you another bit of advice from my good friend James:

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money'. Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you should say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'"

America wasn't great because Americans were geniuses. America was great because God permitted it to be great for a time. You don't have three cars or a cool sunroom because youi are one hell of a wage earner. You have more than you need because God permitted it. Had God not permitted it, it wouldn't matter how smart, innovative or clever you were. It would not happen. Period. That goes for those who follow Jesus as well as those who have nothing to do with Him.

For those who don't know Him, I want to talk to you a minute about this. What keeps you from the next physical showing cancer in your lymphnodes? What keeps the pilot from crashing your plane into the Atlantic? These are things you have no control. You can take vitamins, run 12 miles per day, lift weights and meditate like David Carradine. But none of that will stop those things that are completely outside your control from taking you out of the game and fast. You call that 'fate' or 'bad luck' but in all actuality, it isn't either. Whether you admit it or not, one thing you have to admit, you cannot say you can buy or sell, make money, spend money or even live tomorrow, no matter how well you have prepared to do it. Niether do I. In fact, the only difference between you and I is that I have an intimate relationship with the One who does determine the times, places and events for everyone. There's nothing special about me and, in fact, there is no excuse for you not to have the same thing, considering my past and my shortfalls.

Hell isn't a place for bad people. If it were, I would already be there. It's a place for those who refuse His grace and love. The doors are locked on the inside on 'our terms'. Why doesn't He make you desire His grace and love, rather than keep you in position of disrespect and disdain you live in now? I can confidently tell you that if you are asking that question, then He is already working on your heart and wonderful things are ahead of you. The only ones in serious trouble are those who don't give a damn. If you want to know more about what He offers or have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. It's my primary vocation to talk about His grace, love and the power of His Kingdom for your life right now. Everything else is a means to that end. Don't hesitate and do not worry about confidences either. I completely understand and have been there. Just don't delay.

For those of you who do know Him, I want to say this to you. We don't belong to this world. This world hated Him, it hates us too. Just watch the news or any program. Believers in Christ are not liked or respected. He told you that was the case. But He also offers you a peace the world could never offer. He offers something that is available to you now that the world searches for in vain. There is no reason for you to be concerned about your country. It has always been in His hands in the first place. If He deems it to go away, which He probably will, we need to remember we don't live for a nation or nations. We live for Him and Him alone. Once more, the One we serve isn't an elected official, but a King. We are citizens of a cosmic monarchy. Human institutions need Democracy and checks and balances because people are screwed up and capable of about anything. His Kingdom doesn't require these things, because what applies to us, doesn't apply to Him. And being plugged into His Kingdom makes us more and more like Him....and hence, very dangerous in this world.

I don't know about you, but dangerous, in this sense, sounds much better than any political revolution or economic domination.

It could be that He does the same thing with us that He did with those in Jerusalem. He may decide to scatter us too. We may not like it either. But I can garantee that it will be for the best and once we end up in a foreign land at an old age, looking back, we can see His fingerprints and glory all over our lives, even though we may have been scared and uncertain the entire time.

I'm not happy with the way things are going in the world and our nation. I think we have an opportunity to get involved and try to change it. We should get involved BEFORE the primaries and not let party hacks dictate the idiots we have to choose from in the general elections. We can do alot and you should not read anything in my words that state we should do nothing. On the contrary. But what you should understand that no matter how involved we get....no matter what we need to do to make changes for the better.....never should we be concerned that the rudder of this nation or the world is on our shoulders. It never was in the first place. It is all in His hands. It always has been. The cross and empty tomb doesn't just designate a new way of life. It reflects victory....complete victory. He wins. And we get to be co-heirs, if we want. In the end, what matters is what Jesus asks of us all....to go out into all nations, making disciples, baptising in the name of the Father, Son and Spirit....and remembering throughout it all, that we are never left orphaned....ever.

Here's another not-so-secret reality: nobody really has any answers or knows what to do about hardly anything. Using human ingenuity and accumen, we are hopeless. And those clowns that have the answers are clowns. They just also happen to be burning mountains of cash as well.

So, let the spilt milk rot. Let the interest rates bloom. Let oil prices sky rocket. Let our leaders continue to decay into the total deprived creatures they really are. No sweat. We belong to something much bigger that doesn't decay. In fact, it continues to unfold and grow, like a secret conspiracy, in the midst of all this decay. And we are a part of it. We all have incredible opportunity, work and good to spread, empowered by the One who controls all things. The entire cosmos is ours and eternity is our time line, as nations rise and fall.

Now, doesn't that sound good? It sure does to me.