Thursday, June 11, 2009

Time to Live for Something Bigger than US


I was at a telecommunications summer conference this week. I heard lots of speeches and lots of advice on surviving the current economic and competitive landscape. I heard about getting your hands on stimulus money, retaining revenue streams, etc. I heard one speech by the CEO of the National Exchange Carrier Association, Bill Hegman. In the midst of all those speeches, his seemed so different. He was concerned about principles, rule of law, united front, etc. He was talking about something bigger than individual self-enlightened interest. As far as I know, it may have eventually been served by that purpose, but nonetheless, his speech was very inspiring to me. And it made me think why. Why would I follow him into hell after hearing that speech? Then it hit me. Simple! He was talking about something bigger than himself. He was appealing to something more than our own personal peace and affluence. And it was refreshing to hear. It made me think about the nation's state of affairs and the lack of a Bill Hegman on the national political scene. I'm not suggesting Hegman run for president nor do I believe he would survive that or even desire to do it. But I think people are hungry for principles over pragmatic answers. Obama won the election, for the most part, because of his idealistic speeches, although opportunistically insincere, as we now realize. We are hungry to live for something bigger than ourselves. But in our day and age, the trouble seems bigger than we are. In fact, it is paralyzing. Those we trusted seem scared and disorganized. Decisions are ad hoc. It almost can be akin to 6 year old kids operating track hoes and wrecking balls in an art museum. It's bad. It can either cause you to seek refuge in something innocuous or else leave us embittered. It doesn't have to be that way. But in order for us to see it, we need to think bigger than us, and U.S.

U.S. Decay - Economic


Here's some facts from the Treasury Department:

Our annual deficits have historically ran between $200 and $450 billion. There was an exception between 1998 and 2001 when the government operated under a surplus, due to the internet/dot.com economic explosion. However, that bubble popped and we were back at deficits that trend back to early to mid 1990 levels. However, for 2009, alone, the annual deficit is projected to be $1.8 trillion dollars, almost 5 times the high end of past deficits.

Currently, the Treasury has borrowed $7.5 trillion in publically traded debt and another $4 trillion in non-tradible debt. The total outstanding debt load is $11.4 trillion dollars. The average interest rate on publically traded debt is 4% and the interest expense per year equates to about 22% of total tax reciepts.

Speaking of tax receipts and government spending, we have been collecting about $ 2trillion dollars per fiscal year in revenue. For 2009, it is estimated to be $2.1 trillion, a drop from most current years due to the recession. However, spending has gone up one trillion dollars over 2008 spending, topping off just under $4 trillion dollars per year. We bring in half the tax revenue we spend in this fiscal year. The rest is borrowed.

Our debt as a percentage to total gross domestic product is about 45%. China, a communist nation's is around 20%.

When we borrow to fill in the gap, the Treasury department will sell bonds at coupon rates. Since January, the Federal Reserve has sold over $1.2 trillion dollars. However, because the market has been flooded with new US debt, the purchase price for these securities has dropped. Put simply, the value of one more treasury security isn't worth what it was in 2001 since there's trillions of dollars of outstanding securities floating around out there now. The more we sell, the more the price goes down. That causes the yeild to go up (the coupon interest earned compared to purchase price of the bond, rather than the face value). That causes all interest rates that are based on treasury yield to rise.

Some economists, including the Treasury Secretary, that the rising yields are a positive sign that investors are preferring private sector investments...a sign of economic recovery. Very cool story. However, the real reason is that we have flooded the market with debt securities and their value has dropped. It means that next year, if we need another $2 trillion, the Treasury, working with the Fed, will sell $2.7 trillion in order to compensate for this devaluation. But it is also interesting that at the same time as our trouble raising enough money, the fourth largest holder of publically traded securities are Carribean-based offshore banks, of which many cater to drug cartels. So, how much of our debt is actually financed with drug money? Who knows. But when extreme times call for extreme measure, coupled with the true human potential, rather than the potential touted by Oprah and Tim Robbins, we can probably be sure it is growing and significant.

If we miraculously stopped all debt financing today, we will still have almost $12 trillion in debt to pay when, on our best days, we spend about what we bring in, making debt retirement impossible. Most of it these days has been purchased by China. They are concerned about their investment (our debt). Why? Because we haven't issued enough debt to cover our costs (due to lower than expected reciepts, lower market prices on security sales, etc) and so the Fed makes up the difference in cash by buying up existing securities from banks and crediting their account with cash for lending purposes. That makes the value of existing debt, like the debt China holds, devalued even more.

In addition, the U.S. Government now has a say in the banking operations of Bank of America and Citibank, to name a few. Everything down to lending practices and compensation are now under government purview. Once more, they are also involved in the auto industry. The government now has a say in what kind of automobiles GM and Chrysler make. This summer, they are looking at nationalizing health care and getting into that business as well. Outside of providing defense, little else the government has gotten involved has been close to success.

As debt is devalued, so is our currency, since our currency is backed purely by the U.S. good faith and credit. As that good faith and credit becomes devalued, our currency has gone along with it. The dollar is already weaker than its prior comparisons with the Euro, Yen, Renmimbi, etc. We can see it in higher gas prices at the pump. In 2006, 2007 and 2008, we looked to speculators, oil companies or OPEC to place blame for skyrocketing prices at the pump. Today, those prices do not reflect anything more than the simple fact the dollar cannot buy as much oil as it once could. We will see fuel prices continue to rise, along with interest rates, as the dollar goes down and our debt balloons more.

China is getting queazy about investing in all our debt. They are especially queazy about our printing of money to make up for what cash we can't borrow from others, which makes the value of already issued securities, like those held by China, decline. It makes them a little upset and concerned. China's economy has slipped to 6% growth.....let me say that again....China's economy has SLIPPED to 6% growth. It was around 10% before the global crisis. China's nominal GDP was about $4 trillion in 2008. The U.S. real GDP was about $11 trillion. The exchange rate of the Chinese Renmimbi to the U.S. dollar has dropped from over $8 in 2006 to about $6 today. At this rate, the Chinese will surpass the U.S. as the primary economic power in 2030, with very conservative assumptions. It will more than likely come sooner.

With liberals in control, their answer will be higher taxes, not just for the rich but for the middle class since they will begin admitting to the fact that they could never balance the budget by taxing the rich. That will happen after the first round of further tax hikes to the 'rich occurs, and the defined bracket for 'rich slips from the definition of it in the Fall of 2008. There's simply not enough money to 'spread around' to fill the gap. Instead, the 'rich' will halt investment and creation of jobs since more and more operating cash flow goes to income taxes where it once went to payroll and capital investment. The economy will slag, tax receipts will go down as tax rates go up. We will spiral into a condition we have never seen in our entire history. In fact, we have already slipped into it while we were watching NCAA tournament last spring.

And just in case you think I consider Republicans the heroes, keep in mind that I truly believe liberal Democrats are in control because America was tired of Republicans acting irresponsible and ad hoc so we decided to trade out for the real thing, rather than get some song and dance from these people who are supposed to be different from liberal Democrats.

U.S. Decay - Political


Our foriegn policy abroad has shifted as well. We now appease everyone at odds with us, regardless of who they are or where they are. We are closing Gitmo, a first rate holding facility, so that people like Kaleed Sheik Mohamed will be able to get due process under the law. Mr. Mohamed, the architect for 911, has already laughed at our due process and committed to killing us all. But somehow, we think he'll have a 'come to Jesus' if we are able to get him a lawyer and a jury of 12....how shall I say....peers? Our president has apologized to the world for the work of men and women at Gitmo. He has apologized for our men and women's work in Iraq and Afghanistan. He promises that now we are going to behave in accordance with our core values.

What are those core values? No torture. Cool. But torture is defined as subjectively as 'rich' is defined for tax policy. It's clear that waterboarding is not the same thing as water torture or a cat of nine tails. But there is the argument that water boarding doesn't work. That may be. But that has nothing to do with 'core values', even if it may be a better argument. There's a disconnect between the actual arguments and what our president proclaims publically. It's because there's not much of a consistent line of thinking. We want to appease everyone. Everyone is more than willing to be appeased. Demand will meet supply. However, there will be enormous concessions in that appeasement. Anyone who complains about these concessions, assuming they become public while the public can do anything about them, will be met with familiar derision labelling them as 'going backwards to the Bush administration policies'. It seems as if any stupid move the Obama administration makes (and there are scads so far), all critics will be labeled as wanting to return to Bush. That way, they try to avoid any accountability.

ACORN: This group was founded to empower those without any power or influence. That sounds pretty cool. It turns out, they are exploiting those people in order to make money for the liberal party hacks who achieved power. People on the margins were recruited and paid slave wages based on performance....the more you registered, the more you were compensated. As a result, some registered 73 times and 14 states currently are investigating voter fraud from 2008. The State of Nevada alone has investigated ACORN for breaking Nevada election laws, let alone federal laws. The CEO was forced to resign last year upon his embezzling $1 million dollars of tax payer dollars became public.....about 6 years after the fact. The money is gone and no one has pressed charges. By the way, even though helping out those who cannot help themselves is a good thing, those who founded ACORN believed more than that simple virtue. They believed in pure socialism and by funnelling entitlements to the 'disenfranchised' it would put our current form of government in chaos, leading to an opportunity to gain power under a socialist agenda. The means used were bullying. Individuals would bust into an office and make threats unless entitlements were paid. Depending on who you talk to, it is bullying. To the bullies, it was coming to the rescue of the oppressed. I will let the current state of affairs with ACORN be evidence for you to decide which was the case.

Rodney Blogoyovich has started a reality television show with his wife, after being impeached for selling Obama's Senate seat to Roland Burris. Once the press got hold of this, Rahm Emmanuel threw Blog under the bus. Once Mr. Burris became skiddish and details came out about his tit-for-tat, he was thrown under the bus. When the ACORN employees were caught with votor fraud, ACORN threw them under the bus as 'rogue employees'. So much for empowering the disenfranchised.

And because we have been so taken with diversions, like sports, reality television and other things, we have considered our constitutional rights as 'politics', considered as either boring, non-relavent or met with such derision that no participation is an act of participation. We have adds pleading people to vote.....long after the entire vetting process has already been completed by party hacks.

We are the wealthiest nation in all of history. We live better than Louis XIV, Pope Pius XII, Elvis and almost anyone else in history. We have two refrigerators, two or three cars, a television in every room with over 100 channels of content (all of it crap). We eat better than any nation in history and struggle with eating disorders and weight....something that even 18th century France would be astounded. And then we wonder why health care is expensive, gas prices go up or the mortgage industry fails.

In essence, we have been wilfully lulled to sleep by our own success and blessings. Now, we are losing them and we don't know what to do about it, aside find escape in more entertainment or become embittered. As our resolve becomes more confused and ad hoc, other cultures are beginning to rise up in income growth and participation in the world economy. Many saw this coming back in the early 80's, and aside our own screw ups, it was still to be something to contend with. With our screw ups, it is probably something we are to hoplessly acquiesce. Some solace can be taken in that much of these new economic powerhouses have been influenced by us over the years, whether they liked or respected us.

U.S. Decay - Spiritual


The prevalent view of reality is purely physical. What do I mean by that? Anything....whether it is about behavior, morality or even science itself, is understood with one underlying assumption: nothing exists except the material...only that which can be reduced to an explanation through physics and chemistry. First of all, that view is clearly false. But for reasons of this note, I leave that for another time. What I want to discuss are the consequences of that worldview.

If everything is reducable to the material, then things we hold dear...the things that make life life, are illusions and are either abandoned or considered mere practical conventions. For example, we all feel awful when a child goes missing. However, under the materialistic rubric, the only explanation for that moral motion is an evolutionary phenomenon....we hurt for the missing child because we like survival rather than extinction. Anything more read into it is pure myth, under a materialistic view of reality.

It also reduces all goals, values and principles to the individual level, since there can be no real existence of these things since they are non-scientific. So, we try to live with two virtues....do whatever you want so long as you don't hurt anybody and be tolerant of everything. However, the definition of 'hurt' is as subjective as the ethics held and in the end, everybody walks around like raw nerves living to satisfy urges, desires and immediate needs. Paul used to call this living through our bellies. The reference dealt with hunger over all things but it also meant any bodily desire. Sex is no exception. In essence, since morality is a slippery set of non-scientific concepts, they are only important to the indivudal holding them. However, when they clash, things get a little sticky and no one seems to have an overarching solution, since we killed them off with the advent of modern scientific reality.

Morality is reduced to mere pragmatism. What is right is defined by what gets me what I want. What is wrong is what stands in the way of me getting what I want. It is as simple as that. Entire elections and businesses and cable channels are built around these sad virtues. We are a nation without an anchor. When Obama talks about core values, he hints toward somethin that no longer exists and he knows it. It's pragmatically referred to for political clout, rather than referring the world as a shepherd to a set of objective moral values. The Sura in the Quran he quoted in Cairo sounded neat. However, in context, it was a passage dealing with local apostates that abandoned Mohamed and the instructions on how to deal with such types, such as jihad. I don't think Obama called for jihad. I don't think he's a Muslim or a Christian. I just think he pulled that out and read it like a fortune cookie, just as he would the Bible in another speech. I think he's agnostic or atheist and believes religion is not a vehicle to pay homage to any god, but a political tool to overthrow those in power, in terms of liberal theology.

There is no clear consensus of what we are really all about unless we are viciously attacked. Then we find survival as the only common thread among us all. But that is never enough for a country to thrive. And once the attack begins to fade with other less pressing problems, we begin to become fragmented once again....probably even more than before.

Most of our forefathers were not believers. However, all of them lived within the consensus of a Judeo-Christian worldview. That has been replaced with the consensus of a worldview of matter plus time plus chance. Our personal desires are the new constitution and with that situation, truly, anything goes in a nation without any objectively spiritual health.

U.S. Decay - No Return...at least not in our time or our way.


Here's the bad news: the party is over. Our nation will probably never be what it once was (and that does not include an arctic sheild covered with ice). We will soon be eclipsed by the Chinese economy, never to return to our place in world affairs. In fact, the new economic powerhouse will be the Pacific Rim, in general. We can blame Republicans or Democrats, but in the end, we are to blame because we are a nation of self-determined citizens. We have determined it, not by choice, but by proxy. Our participation has become more and more limited because, just like remote controls for changing channels without having to get up out of our chair, we can allow the parties to run everything for us, let the government do everything for us, and just hope it all works out while we seek more and more diversions to fill the ever increasing hole in our hearts.

The election in 2010 will probably not be anything out of the ordinary compared to other elections. Party power may change, but the same yahoos doing the same things, all over again. That's because, now, if we understood what it takes to change everything given our constitution abilities, it would require enormous life changes in most of us right now, in order to make such a change by 2010. That probably won't happen.

Here's the good news: God is entirely in control. He probably ordained our fall. Why? Some would say it was because of our past sins....current sins....sins to come. Probably part of it. I think if it is ordained, it isn't simply a punishment-reward strategy. It's probably something much more interesting....and if we believe Paul's letter, something good for us who entrust ourselves in Jesus Christ. Read Acts 1. Keep in mind that Jesus' followers had seen much over the past 3 1/2 years. They even watched Him die an agonizing death, yet come back to life and teach them, culminating in this scene in chapter 1. After all of that, Jesus told them to wait.....which turns out to be a really big deal. What were they expecting?

"So, when they met together, they asked him, 'Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?'" Acts 1:6

To see your leader scourged and crucified was enough to make you forget about politics. To see that same leader show up after getting up and walking out of the tomb should make politics seem about as important your tire pressure. However, because we are creatures of familiarity, we like connecting the truth we discover with the familiar we like, even though the familiar we like may be deemed to parish. Not only did Jesus not restore the kingdom to Israel at that time, He allowed those in charge to persecute them and scatter them to the four corners of the world.

And it was a good thing He did. Otherwise, hardly anyone gentile would have any idea about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. If you were to ask those people as Herod's people, Caiaphas' people or Roman governers imprisoned them, beat them, forced them from commerce, etc, they probably wondered where God was and when He was going to do something about it. He did. But it was antithetical to what they expected. Instead of defeating all the bad guys and restoring Jerusalem to Jesus, He purposefully permitted persecution from the bad guys. They ended up in Samaria. But they couldn't find peace there either. Some ended up in India. Others in Egypt. Others still in Greece, Rome and Spain. As they fled, they brought with them the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Home churches sprung up all over the Roman Empire and beyond.

What lessons does Acts have for us today? I think we Christians are guilty of thinking Jesus was American and God loves democracy. But, if we are serious students of the Bible, we should be able to at least reference Romans 11:33-36. Oh the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counsel? Those are rhetorical questions, by the way. The answer is 'no one'.

It could be that God deems the U.S. to decay and fade away into history. I know that sounds almost heretical. But I bet some might consider it heretical had Jesus said what was already known to Him at the time they asked Him about the kindgom and Israel too.

Let me give you another bit of advice from my good friend James:

"Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money'. Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you should say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'"

America wasn't great because Americans were geniuses. America was great because God permitted it to be great for a time. You don't have three cars or a cool sunroom because youi are one hell of a wage earner. You have more than you need because God permitted it. Had God not permitted it, it wouldn't matter how smart, innovative or clever you were. It would not happen. Period. That goes for those who follow Jesus as well as those who have nothing to do with Him.

For those who don't know Him, I want to talk to you a minute about this. What keeps you from the next physical showing cancer in your lymphnodes? What keeps the pilot from crashing your plane into the Atlantic? These are things you have no control. You can take vitamins, run 12 miles per day, lift weights and meditate like David Carradine. But none of that will stop those things that are completely outside your control from taking you out of the game and fast. You call that 'fate' or 'bad luck' but in all actuality, it isn't either. Whether you admit it or not, one thing you have to admit, you cannot say you can buy or sell, make money, spend money or even live tomorrow, no matter how well you have prepared to do it. Niether do I. In fact, the only difference between you and I is that I have an intimate relationship with the One who does determine the times, places and events for everyone. There's nothing special about me and, in fact, there is no excuse for you not to have the same thing, considering my past and my shortfalls.

Hell isn't a place for bad people. If it were, I would already be there. It's a place for those who refuse His grace and love. The doors are locked on the inside on 'our terms'. Why doesn't He make you desire His grace and love, rather than keep you in position of disrespect and disdain you live in now? I can confidently tell you that if you are asking that question, then He is already working on your heart and wonderful things are ahead of you. The only ones in serious trouble are those who don't give a damn. If you want to know more about what He offers or have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. It's my primary vocation to talk about His grace, love and the power of His Kingdom for your life right now. Everything else is a means to that end. Don't hesitate and do not worry about confidences either. I completely understand and have been there. Just don't delay.

For those of you who do know Him, I want to say this to you. We don't belong to this world. This world hated Him, it hates us too. Just watch the news or any program. Believers in Christ are not liked or respected. He told you that was the case. But He also offers you a peace the world could never offer. He offers something that is available to you now that the world searches for in vain. There is no reason for you to be concerned about your country. It has always been in His hands in the first place. If He deems it to go away, which He probably will, we need to remember we don't live for a nation or nations. We live for Him and Him alone. Once more, the One we serve isn't an elected official, but a King. We are citizens of a cosmic monarchy. Human institutions need Democracy and checks and balances because people are screwed up and capable of about anything. His Kingdom doesn't require these things, because what applies to us, doesn't apply to Him. And being plugged into His Kingdom makes us more and more like Him....and hence, very dangerous in this world.

I don't know about you, but dangerous, in this sense, sounds much better than any political revolution or economic domination.

It could be that He does the same thing with us that He did with those in Jerusalem. He may decide to scatter us too. We may not like it either. But I can garantee that it will be for the best and once we end up in a foreign land at an old age, looking back, we can see His fingerprints and glory all over our lives, even though we may have been scared and uncertain the entire time.

I'm not happy with the way things are going in the world and our nation. I think we have an opportunity to get involved and try to change it. We should get involved BEFORE the primaries and not let party hacks dictate the idiots we have to choose from in the general elections. We can do alot and you should not read anything in my words that state we should do nothing. On the contrary. But what you should understand that no matter how involved we get....no matter what we need to do to make changes for the better.....never should we be concerned that the rudder of this nation or the world is on our shoulders. It never was in the first place. It is all in His hands. It always has been. The cross and empty tomb doesn't just designate a new way of life. It reflects victory....complete victory. He wins. And we get to be co-heirs, if we want. In the end, what matters is what Jesus asks of us all....to go out into all nations, making disciples, baptising in the name of the Father, Son and Spirit....and remembering throughout it all, that we are never left orphaned....ever.

Here's another not-so-secret reality: nobody really has any answers or knows what to do about hardly anything. Using human ingenuity and accumen, we are hopeless. And those clowns that have the answers are clowns. They just also happen to be burning mountains of cash as well.

So, let the spilt milk rot. Let the interest rates bloom. Let oil prices sky rocket. Let our leaders continue to decay into the total deprived creatures they really are. No sweat. We belong to something much bigger that doesn't decay. In fact, it continues to unfold and grow, like a secret conspiracy, in the midst of all this decay. And we are a part of it. We all have incredible opportunity, work and good to spread, empowered by the One who controls all things. The entire cosmos is ours and eternity is our time line, as nations rise and fall.

Now, doesn't that sound good? It sure does to me.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Nonquam Solum


To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to
Well wouldn’t do
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much,
As a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about God and His mercy
Or if He really does exist
Why did He desert me
In my hour of need
I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally

It seems to me that there are more hearts
broken in the world that can’t be mended
Left unattended
What do we do? What do we do?

Alone again, naturally

Now looking back over the years
And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn’t understand why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start
With a heart so badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally


- except from Gilbert O'Sullivan's Alone Again, Naturally

Gilbert O'Sullivan's song came up in a movie the other day. I swear I hadn't heard it in years. It came out when I was a little kid and even at a young age, that song moved me. However, my recall of the song as an adult, seemed more like a song about self-loathing, until I heard these lyrics again when it was played in the movie I watched. I think I confused it with another sad song that came out about the same time as his. Those are some of the most poignant lyrics I have ever heard. You would have to be dead for those words not to resonate with you. Reality has a way of taking the steam out of young aspirations. And part of that reality involves loss and loneliness. And it makes you doubt God's existence. This is the only persuasive evidence against God's existence....and it is existential, not academic.

I'm not knocking academics. I have a deep interest in philosophy and apologetics. What I am talking about is more experiential. With regards to academics, there are great arguments that point to the truth of Christianity. Our universe came from something. Something doesn't come from nothing. Time and space can't cause themselves. Nature can't cause itself. It's far easier to believe the finely tuned conditions of the cosmos was designed, rather than it being mere luck. Consciousness doesn't emerge from mere matter. Some things are absolutely right or wrong, pointing beyond ourselves, and are not simply social conventions or evolutionary responses for survival. Historically speaking, Jesus' resurrection from the dead is the best documented event of all antiquity. So far, all criticisms against it aren't historical but philosophical (philosophical naturalism). The history is very good.

Yet all of these arguments are academic. Gilbert O'Sullivan wasn't singing about the Kalam Cosmological Argument.

If you were to pry into the heart of me, in say 1993 (or to a lessor extent, last week), or anyone else on this planet with doubts, you will find a person that has been deeply wounded. Perhaps we were rejected or humiliated by an individual or group. Maybe a child died. It could be a spouse of many years simply walks out without explanation. Or maybe the company went under, house foreclosed and find yourself at the local truckstop every morning to get the kids ready for school. Fathers, mothers, grandparents, husbands, wives.....all crying from their hearts, "Why is this happening? Where are You? Why have You abandaned me?"

In the song, the guy has dealt with being left at the alter, suffering an enormous setback professionally, the pain it caused and the fact it happens to so many that it seems overwhelming to be able to do anything about it. But even at a personal level, with his parents, is hopeless to do anything about the heart break of a lonely widowed mother, let alone a stranger. His tears aren't just the passing of all these unfortunate events, even though that is part of it. His tears are those of a deeper despair. His complete helplessness and hopelessness in an existence that seems more like a cruel joke than something underguirded by a good and loving God. He asks where God's love and mercy were, if He even does exist.

Where is God in the midst of this heartache? To be honest, Gilbert O'Sullivan, in this simple song, has provided so much more persuasiveness and power to an argument against God's existence than Richard Dawkins has in his entire curriculum vitae. I can only speak for myself, but having been a skeptic, I can tell you that although I was sort of familiar with all the arguments against Christianity and theism in general, my real doubts about God's existence were alot more in line with that song than a collection of arguments. Personal hurt, either caused by others or by natural events or both at once tend to be more persuasive to our immediate situation than any debate. I would go so far as to say that may be Dawkins real argument against Christianity and theism in general. All of the less than adequate philosophical meanderings about causes too complicated to explain complicated effects is really him lashing out at God in what seems to be a brutal world. It's just disguised so we can see, not a wounded man, but a confident and enlightened prophet of the times. Read this excerpt and judge for yourself:

The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all of fiction. Jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic-cleanser; a misogynistic homophobic racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal…


I realize its alot more prejorative than O'Sullivan, yet could concievably be tacked on as the 4th verse. I think the 'fictional' adjective was written with more viceral force than 'infanticidal'. Again, could be wrong, but seems that way to me.

Where Is God?


When we have experienced unexplainable despair and alienation, where is God? Does He understand? Why doesn't He intervene? The problem is existential, but any answer has to address both the mind and the heart. You can never take heartache lightly. And a simple theological theorem to explain it all is the most uncompassionate thing to do...akin to medical malpractice, but spiritual malpractice. People aren't algebra equations or products waiting to be stamped 'inspected'. Reality isn't a unbalanced equation. On the other hand, a response that is purely experiential has no content. And without content, any such response is totally worthless. Jim Beam is a much more useful response to pain and despair than one that doesn't at least appeal to the mind at all. Unfortunately, the church community is contaminated with both kinds of responses to wounded hearts.

Does that Bible provide any answers? The world has been warped and distorted with deviations from our ideals of how it should be, for a long, long time. Something tells us that death is really abnormal. It certainly hurts us to lose loved ones. Pain and suffering are no different. We know enough to instinctively know that things are not the way they were originally intended to be.

Have you read the entire book of Job? What a painful read. Here's a guy that is faithful and devoted to God, allowed to have his cattle destroyed, family killed off and his body covered in sores. From about chapter 3 to 38 we get to witness diatribe after diatribe of a man in pain and suffering, crying out to God for answers. We also get to witness Job's religious buddies and their diagnosis of Job's problems as well as their advice on how to deal with it. That is, until Job has enough of it. I am sure we all have some acquaintances like Job's friends that are always full of 'helpful' advice. It's a painful read. But out of nowhere, God breaks in and responds to Job. He never directly answers Job's questions, but asks Job to stand like a man and be ready to answer a few questions of his own. In essence, God tells Job that although he has suffered, he's in absolutely no position to form enough judgement on the circumstances to warrant any questions, but only continued trust. I don't do it justice, but it must have been scary enough for even a sore-covered man to sort of say, "I see. Never mind." Yet at the end, Job's health is restored, he owns cattle again and starts a new family. The book ends almost abruptly this way.

It seems that although Job's specific situation is remedied, the bigger issue of suffering, even for good people, goes unaddressed.

We have Abraham waiting for a child. God promised. None seems to come. He gets tired of waiting and sleeps with his wife's Egyptian made-servant, spawning his son Ishmael. God lets Abraham know that knocking up a sweet, young Egyptian maidservant was not going to work out as well as it would have had he simply trusted God and waited. And it didn't. Finally, beyond old age, God finally reveals its time and Sarah will give birth to a child. Sarah thinks it's funny and laughs. It's so far fetched and absurd. So, the child's Hebrew name was 'laughs' or Isaac. Before Isaac is even 16, God requests Abraham to take Isaac to the mountain and sacrifice him. After waiting till you are around 80 years old for a child, finally get the child you waited for, then to find out you are commanded to kill him, has to almost make you suicidal. Abraham's trust in God was really radical. The author of Hebrews tells us that Abraham probably thought if Isaac was killed, God would give him his life back, simply on the promise that God made Abraham that his seed would be through Isaac.

But an angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, 'Abraham! Abraham!'

'Here I am', he replied.

'Do not lay a hand on the boy', he said. 'Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.'

Abraham looked up and there in the thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, 'On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided.'


Again, Abraham's specifics are what they are, but the name of that mountain refers to something not yet complete

The Hebrews were enslaved for nearly 300 years. They cried out to God to rescue them from the cruel slavery inflicted upon them by Egypt. No answer. For nearly 300 years they suffered and were casualties to a greater Egypt. They had about given up when God chose Moses, a renegade wanted for murder, with an embarrasing speech impediment, to lead His people out of Egypt. The least likely candidate, insecure enough to convince God to have his brother do most of the talking on his behalf, leads millions out of Egypt and into the desert. For forty years they wandered on a trip that should have taken 2 weeks. An entire generation had passed before they entered the land He promised them. From that time forward, the Hebrew people celebrated their deliverance with the Passover, slaying a Passover lamb for the meal.

Again, on a much larger scale a people has found specifics met, but a much larger issue emerges again.

The Hebrews choose a tall, strong and confident Saul as King. God chooses a 13 year old shephard boy as King. This shephard boy sparks a jeolousy in Saul that leads him to plot the boy's murder. God delivers the boy from Saul's hands, makes him King and promises him that through his line, there will be a king that rules forever. Although Israel and Judah rebel, fall into incredible deterioration leading up to military defeat and foreign captivity, the proimise was still remembered.

Prior to the destruction, one of their greatest prophets had this to say about the promised Messiah:

He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised and we esteemed him not. Surely, he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.


About seven-hundred years later, John wrote that the Word, that was with God and was God, became flesh and dwelt among us. His own creation didn't recognize Him or accept Him.

Now my heart is troubled, and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour?' No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!


As Jesus drew His last breaths, He quoted the Psalmist by saying,

"My God, my God, why have you foresaken me?....
Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent....I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me. My strength is dried up like a potsherd and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth; you lay me in the dust of death. Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet. I can count all my bones; people stare and gloat over me. They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.


He was beaten, scourged and nailed to a tree, by the very ones He came to save. But the ultimate suffering He experienced was a spurning from the very Father He knew intimately and eternally; a suffering of such magnitude that no human being will ever know. Physical pain, to the point of death is something several human beings have unfortunately had to experience. However, complete and total alienation at this level and at this point of a cruel and painful death was the ultimate sacrifice. For what? For whom? It could be that God never directly answered Job because Job had no idea what God was going to do, Himself, for Job and everyone who reaches out. It seems pretty clear that the naming of that place where Abraham was told to sacrifice Isaac was God's forshadowing Abraham, and all who read the text, what God would actually provide...His Son, His only Son. The blood of the first Passover Lamb was shed and painted above the entrance way of every Hebrew home, so that they would be spared from the coming wrath that shook Egypt and the house of Pharoah. It's no surprise that the prophet John, in the wilderness, would see Jesus and immediately recognize Him as the Lamb of God, to take away the sins of the world.

Jesus is on every page. Jesus is God's idea in every situation. The world is a very messy place and we are some messy people. I'm not talking about the persona we portray to anyone watching. I'm talking about the person we are when no one is around...the person in our thought world. To suggest that God Himself comes to provide our redemption and pay the entire penalty to obtain it is love on such a cosmic scale, now even suffering makes a little sense. It helps to know that even though I still hit rock bottom, He knows the feeling better than I do.

Jesus,
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death—even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.


He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created; things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is head of the body, the church; He is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything He might have supremacy


We still experience death, but it has no power anymore. For those who place confidence in this momentus act of love, we suffer no real loss and any loss we experience right now is something that has first passed through nail-scarred hands. We believe in Him because He rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the Kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of all our wrongness, brokenness and despair.

Here's the existential reality for me. Before I entrusted my life to Him, I was fairly happy on the periphery, but completely full of despair at the core. In fact, all my energy was to seek as much diversions I could to generate as much consolation and contentment I could, to take my mind off of the core reality. After I entrusted my life to Him, I was essentially happy at the core, even if I was dealing with a lot of crap on the periphery. No longer nervously strategizing for diversions to avoid the emptiness, I simply fall on my knees and ask for His comfort, wisdom, confidence, patience....as much of His reality as He chooses to dispense. And because of what Jesus did, I can ask with total confidence. He provides a way for an imperfect and finite guy like me to approach the Almighty without any worry or concern from His part.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may recieve mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.


The only way to verify the existential part of this response to our problem is to simply try. Believe in the work of His Son, on your behalf. Ask Him into your heart and to change your life. An existential reality is completely unverifiable unless you experience it yourself. There is no other way to test Jesus' teaching without trying them and finding out for yourself whether or not He's the One, or simply another guy speaking for himself. It's just something you have to do yourself. I can tell you about Him all day long, but in order to know....really know...you will have to haul off and place your life in His hands on your own. I still deal with the sadness of the O'Sullivan song and I still ask 'why?' to the pain I experience and what I see others dealing with. I have been a lay counselor for several years and the worst part of that job is hearing someone pour out their hearts with agony and you having no way to fix it or even provide anything other than two ears to listen. But at the very core, even at the worst of it, He is there and He is holding me together. He will hold you together too. And if you do that, He will bring you into His Kingdom now, so you can truly know for yourself and then extend that same Kingdom out to others and bring some light into the darkness.

Without this answer, alone again is natural. It is reality. All the friends and family in the world will not change that alienation. All the Party Pix photos, all the neighborhood block parties and all the Extreme Makeovers episodes in all the world cannot hide the reality that this world is full of darkness. And those things are not light. Although these things can be good in and of themselves, most of the time for us they are diversions. He is the light....that shines into darkness and the darkness can't comprehend it.

I can truly say, that no matter the circumstances, I am never alone. And I never will be. Although there is so much more to the Kingdom of God, that in and of itself is absolutely wonderful and something that needs to be shared. So, I am.